BRINGING IT IN

i've moved

2008-04-30T11:33:00.005-04:00

find me here:

tidan.tumblr.com

back to bean curd

2008-02-09T22:44:00.000-05:00

do you ever have the desire to order something tasty yet random from a chinese takeout menu, like fried chicken wings, because you haven't eaten all day and things like "rice" and "soup" sound "lame" and "bland," so you take a gamble, and when they come, you reach into the greasy brown paper bag while you're still standing up, remove the foil, bite into it, look down, and discover that THERE ARE FEATHERS ON THE ONE IN FRONT OF YOU?
never happen to you?
it happened to me.
i wish i had taken a picture, but i was too busy hurling in the next room, so i uploaded a picture of my friend instead.
isn't he precious?

watch this video!

2008-02-09T22:09:00.000-05:00

my parents have every single beatles song of all time on their itunes.
i am trying to make an edit, but there are so many i love.
"i've just seen a face" is one of those.

I've just seen a face,
I can't forget the time or place
Where we just met.
She's just the girl for me
And I want all the world to see
We've met

fashion week has come and gone.
since i mentioned the music at lacoste last weekend, here is my favorite part of the show on video.
perfection.
i will write more about the week later.

boho and boots

2008-02-04T16:03:00.000-05:00

yesterday was dkny and adam.
both shows featured women's and men's which was a treat -- usually it's only the latter for me.
dkny was the usual clusterfuck in a large garage on washington st., and if you forget your sunglasses like i did, you were blinded by the woman in front of you who felt it necessary to wear a multi-colored sequin hat at 1:00 on a sunday. is it really necessary? i loved the bohemian vibe at dkny, especially these two looks.
adam was at lux studio, just off the west side highway. the clothes were great, especially this belted coat which i will attempt to save up for, but mostly i was too distracted by the parade of tall black and chocolate louboutin boots to notice anything else! unfortunately, i will not be saving up for those, as it would be a very cold winter for me and my boots without a roof over our head. oh lord.

GIANTS WIN

2008-02-03T22:56:00.001-05:00

i came out of retirement tonight as a professional sports fan after 10+ long years of taking things too seriously, throwing paperweights, pulling peoples' hair, throwing pizza, having fits, slamming doors, and having to watch chicago bulls games in a room by myself. i swear i was only 13. I SWEAR. promise. no, really... anyway, it was worth getting wrapped up in the game tonight, and how could you not? it was a thriller and even though i am still twitching and having heart palpatations, at least i can go to bed a very happy girl. brady may be hot, but manning is a hero. i don't plan on jumping on the bandwagon any time soon, but at the very least, it was fun to be a die-hard fan, at least for one night.

sunday sunday, la la lalala

2008-02-03T12:16:00.001-05:00

the best show yesterday was lacoste; the best presentation was gilded age. the music at lacoste was fantastic as always, and i am dying to find out more about the songs they played, particularly one pop track that featured gun-shots but in a cute way. i can't explain...it just worked! the show closed with an apres ski disco party, complete with leg-warmers tucked over jeans, and dozens of pastel-colored knits and down jackets, which reminded me of those big buckets of rainbow sorbet you used to buy with mom at Shop Rite when you were five-years-old. fun. in the evening, i went to loden dager, which was tucked away in the back of some strange chapel on 20th St. it was tragicaly hipster -- little boys running around with eyeliner -- and i'm not talking about the models. the models were actually cute and so were the clothes. i couldn't handle everyone else.
today i am tired and kind of dizzy and i have to get up and go to a few more shows today even though it's the superbowl and all i want to do is order in pizza, make black and white nachos like these ones from cowgirl that we ate last week, and drink fountain soda. i SO don't want to put on high-heels and deal with fashion on the lord's day....cause i'm so religious.

go Giants!

blast from the past

2008-02-01T20:26:00.000-05:00

and i don't mean this windy, water-logged joke of a day.

i'm talking about a funny front row encounter this afternoon at the carlos campos show. it was still pretty empty. people were trickling in and suddenly i see a very tall guy with dark hair and six days of calculated scruff walk across the runway to greet someone on the other side. it was ruben. remember him? it's important to note that we worked together at my very first "real" job in publishing at the teeny bopper mag, when he was 29 and i was 21 and i thought he was ancient and now that i'm the age he was when i met him, it's a strange feeling. he came over and ended up sitting next to me for the show. he's still the same. name-dropping, designer-dropping, club-dropping, "i'm in ralph lauren from head to toe, but i'm wearing dior tonight and after this show, carlos is going to make me a custom suit for opening night of this new club i'm working...one second while i send my girlfriend who happens to be a supermodel a picture using my iphone..." you get the point. and i didn't even embellish. nope. he's just like that and somehow it's mostly endearing. even my super sweet sister who has no patience for such people, finds him entertaining. "how can you hate on someone who is basically a cariacature of themselves?" some of you know what i mean, and i'm sure you're nodding in unison. i hadn't seen him in at least two years, we probably hadn't spoken for almost a year, but he still said "love you," when he hugged me on the way out. funny how the world works, and how certain people that you meet, at certain points in your life, you end up having a special bond with that you're not quite sure why it exists, but it does. and other people slip away so easily, even ones that you thought you had something wonderful with.

the weather was nasty for the first day of fashion week, and my rain boots were at my apartment and since i haven't spent more than two nights there since october, i had to trudge along in not-so-cozy leather boots, tights, and a dress. for some reason i decided that would be a good outfit in a monsoon. i ended up finding a half-hour window to ditch the dress for jeans. i would've been miserable otherwise. the funny thing is, despite the little notes my boyfriend leaves me every morning in a sketch-book, with the temperature and daily "outlook," i left my umbrella at home. i ended up going through THREE umbrellas in two hours, including one (no names mentioned) that apparently retails for $95 that i "borrowed" from our closet at work which lasted for all of five seconds. what a joke. the umbrella that fared the best was a $4.99 one from duane reade, an impulse purchase at around 3:30 today when i also decided i needed to buy a small bag of cadbury mini eggs, since easter is apparently around the corner!!! what a dork.

basically, fashion week is draining but exciting and you never know who you will run into.

and finally, if you only download one song this week, make it "I Sing I Swim," by Seabear. it's slightly fay, but incredibly sweet and soothing.

"throw me a dream please,
it's been a dreamless sleep
for such a long time, such a long time
sing myself awake
watch the branches break
no one could ever take your place."

sweets & treats

2008-02-01T00:02:00.000-05:00

i'm not gonna lie, this is one sweet treat. it was a gift from jessie and it is wonderful. um, it was wonderful. it is long gone.
it was filled with things that are gummy and crunchy and sticky and ooey and chocolatey and i am in love with it. thank god V-day isn't for another two weeks, because i intend on stocking up. i hope you do, too.

i want to share something else that was very exciting for me. i met ralph lauren on wednesday morning.
he walked the four of us through his fall/winter '08 collection -- purple and black labels, polo, and RLX -- at MILK studios. i must have taken about 200 shots of the clothing, but ever-so-subtly shot this one of him. one of the things that struck me about him is that when he shakes your hand, he really holds it in his for a long time and makes eye contact and smiles a genuine smile and then he turns and asks you what you think of the collection and you hope something -- anything -- comes out of your mouth other than white noise. maybe that's the secret to his success -- making low totem dwellers feel important. that, and the fact that his clothes are perfection. it was an honor to meet him.

good night.

back by popular demand

2008-01-29T22:12:00.001-05:00

just kidding. isn't it rude when people say that?
this photo is an oldie but a goodie from one of our many meals at cowgirl over the years. i believe this was taken four years ago. cute despite my weird arm placement. we went hard. i'll add the ones from tonight on here tomorrow, with ROCO in them.

we went up to my parents' last weekend. they're in india for a month with my aunt and uncle, so we felt no pressure to do anything except hibernate with hot bowls of chili, capriccio's pizza, and movies on demand. i made tollhouse cookies and god are they good. the ultimate comfort food.

ok, so movies on demand, we need to talk. you recommended The Namesake, but that shit is depressing as hell and you should only watch it if puffy eyes are part of your beauty routine. the female leads were gorgeous and the men were kind of fug. i'm always fascinated by that -- how women can be so much prettier than men. why are you so ugly, boys? only teasing. male ducks are way prettier, so there. at least you've got that.

secondly, The Killing of John Lennon is scary and the only good actor is the lead, Jonas Ball. everyone else sounds like they're auditioning for Red Shoe Diaries. but where the hell has this Ball dude been all my life? he's phenomenal and completely disturbing. "bang bang." what a nightmare. either he's totally psychotic in real life or he deserves the Oscar NOW. one other thing. well, two. i applaud the tight editing, but apparently someone forgot to edit out the Wicked billboard, the Hershey store, Virgin Megastore, and um the people wearing skinny jeans and stillettos in Times Square. John Lennon was shot in 1980, not 2007.
get on board.
but it's not really fair, because honestly, even if the film had been terrific, i probably still would have hated it. i mean, the whole time you're watching it you're like "well maybe he won't shoot him," but then you remember this is a true story and the hero gets shot. so no one wins.

fashion week started today. well not technically. technically it starts friday, but our shit started tonight. we met Andre 3000 in a gramercy park hotel suite, which was fantastic. he's handsome, charming, e-bay obsessed like me, and he is launching his first collection of 1935-inspired clothing called "benjamin bixby," which includes everything from tweed plus-fours and cords with braces to brown leather varsity jackets and thick woolen v-neck sweaters with hand-painted letters. it's a gorgeous first collection and seeing a celebrity who clearly oversaw the production of the collection from start to finish was inspiring and a rare treat. there were two racks of clothes, plus an oversized trunk with knits and ties. i love the fact that his logo is a small hot-air balloon shape. it's an adventure. a story. the next collection could take place in 1968. or 1943. or 2097. we'll have to wait and see.

all in all, today was a good day except for the sad ending -- saying goodbye to molly. she is moving to atlanta for love. it is the end of an era. from dipping hershey kisses in peanut butter on the 13th floor of the west tower to breezy jeep rides with the top down and W-ICB radio on the way to weg's and getting caught in hilliard hall and dancing/falling down at sessa and centro fly (god we're old) and pretzels and drinks at maggie's after work...

i miss it all.

good night.
see you back on here soon.

and now, a moment of silence

2008-01-10T14:34:00.000-05:00

as you know, the golden globes were called-off and me and katherine heigl are destroyed.
we were going to polish her wedding ring and admire her during commercial breaks while listening to "the mending of the gown" by sunset rubdown.
i need to let go and let god.

how are you?
it's been a while.
how have you been?
good.
happy new year.
thanks.

the holidays are a bit of a blur.
i remember the smell of gas when i accidentally left the stove on, cookies, and pine.
smells - good and bad - linger the longest.

it was a lovely hanukkah/christmas/trip/new year's and i even made some resolutions.
i am trying to:

1 - sleep
2 - fly without fear
3 - make a penguin out of paper

4 - not be bitchy in cabs and/or rude to cab drivers

5 - only spend money on things that matter like the latest chanel nail polish.

last night was julie's real birthday and we went to flatiron lounge with a bunch of her friends. it's so glamorous that you can't even light a cupcake candle because apparently glossy people don't celebrate birthdays, imagine that!
we accidentally lit one anyway, whoops.

skin, pine, and pitt

2007-12-18T22:05:00.001-05:00

so today i am going to talk about facials.
do you ever get facials?
do you think they're an imperative part of your regime and if so, do you think your face will curl up like a sunbaked orange peel if you don't?
i have two theories on facials.
one part of me is like anyone who rubs four different kinds of fancy lotions on their face for a whole hour in a counter-and-counter-clockwise movement will leave the bathroom feeling like WOW my skin is softer than it was an hour ago!
the other part of me believes something totally different, but only when i am given a gift certificate to a spa. suddently i'm like WTF was i thinking? these are totally CRITICAL! especially when i am lying there in the dark and they turn the fluorescent light on your face and run their index finger judgingly over your pores and you think about all the times you got crispy in puerto rico.

anyway, i woke up stupid late for my appointment at great jones spa. it was a gift certificate, as discussed. i need to talk about great jones spa. as you can imagine they are on great jones street, but also, they are great! they are very accomodating because i was 15 minutes late and they didn't glare or throw an organic cleanser in my face! and i didn't even have to make up an excuse. the spa smells like a swimming pool beause maybe there is a swimming pool on the premises unless there is a soy candle on the market called "chlorine." the flip flops were soft, unlike the ones at cornelia, and made my feet look nicer cause they covered up my ugly toes. they only use naturopathica and jurlique products and jurlique makes my favorite lotions in the world, so that was an added bonus. the only bad part was when she put cookie batter on my face - oatmeal raisin to be precise - and that's not cool. she said it was "pumpkin lotion" and she looked at me and i looked at her and we had a moment. people should get their xmas cookies done at home, not on the job. one highlight was when she put this mask on my face and then massaged my hands with a warm lotion and put them into these plastic gloves and covered the gloves with a hot terry glove. at the end, she told me i have combination skin which i gather is very rare, and that i'd be MUCH better off with the entire line of products she used. i was so sure.

it really was a nice experience though, and my skin looks clear like it would look if you washed your face five times in one day and smeared vaseline on it and of course i am convinced i need to go back every two weeks, so i'll be needing a lot of gift certificates. you can just make them out to my name and send them to me in the post. that would be great, thank you.

since i'm on vacation, i did a bunch of other things that are not very thrilling to report, although i will tell you i was probably the most christian jew on the block today because i bought a 3-footish christmas tree and carried it four blocks and when i got to the apartment, my fingers were sticky. i imagine lovers of christ know how to get sap off their hands, and also not to buy net lights because that is borderline reta$@#%ed. why did i buy net lights and why do they sell net lights anyway? on the package, it shows a woman throwing them on a bed of pine. we're in manhattan, who has a bed of balsam? and if you do, please call me immediately so i can come hang out in your huge plot of land. i will bring you my LOVE TRAIN.

finally, at the gym today, there were four or nine people, ranging from a brooding NYU kid in a tragic fluorescent American Apparel ensemble, to an ancient bespectacled man whose t-shirt was tucked into his sweatpants, and amazingly we were all watching the same program (because yes, i stalk people to see what they're watching and then i judge them based on those decisions). it was brad pitt on PBS. what does that say about the power of brad pitt? or the unfortunate reality that is daytime television?

who cares.

good night and good luck.

Candyland

2007-12-17T14:01:00.000-05:00

YO! gingerbread making was fun. i made a love train. jess made an airplane, maya made a sex house, and meg made a house with a reflecting pool. i think next year we may do an animal theme.

i learned 11 things during the house-making that i didn't know before:

1- graham crackers are the best substitution for gingerbread and you don't have to bake them.
2- trans fats make phenomenal binders, so use vanilla pillsbury frosting because it sticks to your grahams and your arteries.
3- you may have chest pains the next day.
4- it's better not to eat it while you're making it.
5- you may have an obscenely bad stomach ache.
6- you need a lot of time.
7 - you may get competitive. it can get ugly.
8- you need to listen to really bad christmas music, like "mommy's shoes," on a lite-FM station.
9- you need to get really emotional when a josh groban song comes in, but not mean it.
10- don't mean it.
11- no matter how badly you want to eat it the next day, and all of the candy that you didn't use, try not to or you will repeat numbers 3 and 5.

anyways, sorry for being a weirdo. we had a tremendous time. and jessie is the best host from the west to the east coast. the highlight was when she gave us these gold and silver grillz and we took an obnoxious amount of pictures because we were all into it. maya is sending ones of us tomorrow, so i'll post more then. what's weird is that i honestly thought we looked kind of amazing with them. it could just be me.

it is probably just me.

the second best part of the night was when buzz's sister made an appearance. for those of you who don't know Buzz, he is a large stuffed animal that creepily came onto the scene a few years ago. he doesn't have nipples and he scares me. every year at thanksgiving or xmas, he makes an appearance. well this year, maria found his sister and it was an equally traumatic experience.

and finally, this has nothing to do with the weekend, but check out this sky that we enjoyed from our office on friday. it looks like someone took a giant eraser to the clouds. strange and beautiful.

ps - screw inside out junior mints. my new obsession is mint eminems. i'm beside myself over them.

little boxes

2007-12-15T14:44:00.000-05:00

i'm going to jessie's tonight for our annual holiday domestic sleepover and this time we are making gingerbread houses.
i am in charge of the dec-a-cake. someone told me red dec-a-cake is elves blood, do you think that's true? that would suck. do you think their blood is the same type as ours? because that would be great if you ever needed a transfusion you could just show up at the hospital with a case of dec-a-cake. it's not really funny but deep down you kind of think it is.

there is nothing better than girlfriends because you can put on elastic waisted pants, get frosting in your hair, and they will still like you alright. that's how you know a true friend from a falsie. like yesterday at work, i put a large narrow cardboard box on my hand and when peter walked by, i held it out and he high-oned me and acted like it was totally normal that i had a box hand.

"hey narnia."

"hey. if my hand really looked like this, would you still be my friend?"

"yes."

"really?"

"it's cool. i wish you always had a box hand."

he didn't say that last part but i know he was thinking it. or maybe he did.

it's hard to say.

tick

2007-12-12T12:16:00.000-05:00

do you like watches? no, i mean, do you REALLY like watches? i like watches so much that i don't even wear one because i can't afford the one i really want and i probably won't ever be able to, so i may never wear one. but i will always admire them. from afar. which one do i want? about five of them. which one do you want? they are beautiful and complicated. look at this one here. spectacular. i am starting to sound like david byrne in the film "true stories," so i will stop. i just got back from an A. Lange & Sohne luncheon at le bernadin, and while we didn't get a watch, we ate, in one sitting, olive bread, foie gras, sea bass, and a creamy mushroomy brothy saucy kind of pasta. i actually didn't eat the foie gras because i don't like foie gras and the manager came over in the middle of the meal and looked really horrified by me and sort of turned towards me with a scowl and then looked away and then cleared the plate and looked up at the sky. it was awkward. on the way out, they gave us a box of chocolates because we definitely needed more food. but i would kill for one of their watches. did i already say that?

feelin fine

2007-12-12T11:27:00.001-05:00

here is a picture of the cookies. do you like them? our family hanukkah party was sunday and it was super fantastic. and big. there are so many little munchkins running around these days, banging on pianos, walking on those cans attached to ropes (remember those? only now they're not cans, they're foam cushions, cause everything is safer unless it's got lead in it or it's from china, so mostly everything is not safer). we did a grooming closet cleanout the other week, so i brought up lots of lotions and creams and gels, etc. and everyone got really into it. my mother put the terra cotta menorah that julie and i made when we were little on top of the fireplace and we ate latkes and brisket and roast chicken and i could go on for an hour about the food but i won't.

yesterday, i was buying my breakfast at work and the woman at the register asked me how i'm doing.
"a bit under the weather," i answered.
as i was pouring my soy milk, i thought about this expression some more.
"under the weather."
it doesn't make much sense, does it? we're all technically below the weather, unless we're flying Jet Blue to Vegas through an ominous pile of cumulonimbus. who knows. maybe they mean, like, it's sleeting and you're below it? also, who even says "under the weather" anyway?? it's kind of rude. the woman at the checkout doesn't need to hear about my problems, she's got her own. just say you're fine and BRING IT IN!

but anyway. since i can't let it go, and since these are the things i think about throughout the day, i googled it and here is what i found:

UNDER THE WEATHER:
Colloquial expression for sick or ill as, for example, to be under the weather with the flu. The phrase "under the weather" came from British sailing ships. When a sailor became ill he was confined below deck out of the weather, so it was said that he was under the weather.

see you on deck very soon!

THE DOLLAR IS WEAK AND THEIR BAGS ARE HEAVY

2007-12-07T15:40:00.000-05:00

the europeans have descended on fifth avenue, a swarm of fedoras, fur, and cigarettes, their wet j.m. weston footprints branded onto the avenue like cigar stubs in a dunhill ashtray. jovial, whiskered men in long double-breasted polo coats pause outside bergdorf goodman while their frosted, coyote-trimmed wives walk up to the windows and sigh, overwhelmed by the possibilities, reminding me of what it must have felt like to be an american in paris in 1984. when the stuff was cheap; when you could actually afford it. it's been so long since i've visited, and it will be so long until i go again.

but let's not dwell.

i mean jesus christo, i aint' starvin'. i just ate two cupcakes at an office birthday party. sometimes duncan hines is better than the real thing. sometimes.

anyway, do you like salmon?
CLICK HERE

it's cold and there are robots

2007-12-06T23:05:00.000-05:00

so i stayed in tonight because the pavement is shivering and i think i just heard a pigeon cry, so i made some of this hot chocolate which - and i HATE to sound pushy - but you really need to be drinking it if you're not, because it will make you feel warm and light even though it's filled with fat. so i curled up with the latest issue of Oprah [insert joke here]* and there was a story about deja vu and how it is not really that you are in some kind of twilight zone or lived in a past life, but in fact, you likely have done something similar before. are you surprised? do you believe in past lives? i don't, but even if i did, i wouldn't say so, because then we would see each other at parties or in barnes and noble next sunday pretending to buy fiction even though we are buying self help, and you would go, "oh yeah, see that girl with heels that are too high? she believes she was important in a past life." i'll just say that i want to believe in them so that i can pretend that i was really somebody, you know? wouldn't it be great to find out that you were super important?

i have another thing to say. i was on an appointment at around 3:00 today, and i was talking to a PR woman about how there are all of these cashmere airplane sets that you can buy now, like a kit that comes with a face mask, slippers, and a throw and it's super luxe but we both decided that that is a retarded thing to buy yourself unless you're christina aguilera or you have three first names or one of your names has a symbol in it, so i told her to tell my boss that i'd like it, and she said No.

so then at 4:00, i received a gift and do you know what was inside? a monogrammed kit! exactly what we had discussed, minus the slippers. isn't that ridiculous? if i received this gift three months from now, it would feel like deja vu, but since the events happened one hour apart, it was just really fucking cool and my name isn't even P!NK.

and finally, did you see this thing in the news about the robot that can play the violin? he's five feet tall, white and, according to CNN, "plays a pretty solid pomp & circumstance." so basically every child in my building.

*isn't it obnoxious when people write that?

Non Stop

2007-12-05T19:10:00.000-05:00

heyfolks. do you ever have a day where you didn't plan on a particularly good outfit but once you got to work, people seemed to really like it, whereas on other days, you think that what you're wearing is a smash hit but it's not so sensational with anyone except yourself?

here is a conversation that took place in my fashion closet this morning between me, two interns, and our fashion assistant mike.

Intern A: "nina, your outfit today is NON STOP."

Me: "what?"

Intern A: "NON STOP."

Me: "that actually doesn't make any sense."

Intern B: "he's trying to make Non Stop happen."

Intern C: "but we don't really understand."

Me: "oh. but i'm queen of not making sense."

Mike: "yeah, she makes things up all the time that no one gets. like TIDAN."

Me: "exactly."

Intern A: "oh cool. basically it just means that it's so good that it's non stop."

Me: "like one long flight."

Intern A: "no."

Silence

i love my interns. i do. they're young and eager and bubbly and easily-excitable. and while i don't miss being an intern, i miss being their age, when you could say things like "i'm gonna go to europe. kick it. maybe take an art course. do some light reading. visit my aunt. eat a baguette." now it's all so heavy. literally. have you felt the weight of my handbag? my cab fares were $400 last month. that's like eight pounds in receipts. roughly the weight of a newborn child. did you hear me? the receipts in my bag ARE THE SIZE OF A BABY BOY NAMED ABRAHAM.

last weekend, i read this article in the NYT about a lounge opening in west chelsea called "1 OAK." have you heard about it? yeah? i'm sure you eventually did, after you wrestled your significant other or cat for it because it's jumping off THAT much. it's basically NYC's "dream team" (gagging) of nightclub owners uniting (choking) on one project and pretending that it is any different because they operate on "velvet egalitarianism" (i can't breathe) at the door, where "people will have to earn their way past the ropes" (call 911) "with an appealing personal style or disposition." (i died). i can only assume this means if, oh i don't know, heidi klum arrives, and she's in front of me and i feel that she's not turning it out, i can and WILL suggest that they don't let her in because she's not NON STOP and i am because my intern said so. sure. anyway, the point of this is not about the club which, may i add, DOES need to TIDAN, it's about the fact that while i was reading the article, i realized - holy shit - i'm old. the lounges they cited, like Life and Moomba, were hot almost 10 years ago, but it feels like last year, and if i mentioned them, my interns would think i'm referencing a dance step. now i'd rather stay at home, watch hitchcock, and bake. no, seriously. NO. SERIOUSLY. the last two weekends i made these and then i baked and decorated, YES, DECORATED christmas cookies. i'm a jew, but i appreciate christ, and i even made a menorah and used yellow M&M's for the flames.

happy hanukkah, l'chaim, shalom, mazeltov. amen.

oh, one last thing. i forgot to mention - if you're at a loss for what to get me for the festival (of lights), i wouldn't mind grace kelly's Rear Window wardrobe. and please don't feel badly if it's terribly expensive, it's for a good cause: my Non Stopedness and Appealing Personal Style so that i can get into a lounge that i don't want to go to.

rain and big big MAJOR home improvement news!

2007-11-27T01:06:00.001-05:00

is there ever like a teensy weensy trapped in the closet part of you that comes a bit unleashed when it is raining so hard you can't hear yourself think because it's just pouring out of the sky? it sounds like someone just dumped a warehouse of paint outside my window and i don't know if it will ever get cleaned up. it is kind of scary and soothing - a white noise maker and the end of the world all in one.

speaking of spilled paint, there is currently a show on HDTV called "DECORATING CENTS." maybe you know it. don't get confused, though, because the name of the program has nothing to do with the idea of the program, which is that a couple of home decorating "experts" are given $500 to refresh a room in someone's home.
the star of the show is a woman called joan steffend who i call stoffensive.

stoffensive & co. do it all, from nurseries to bedrooms and they do it with cheap stuff that they've found on the side of the road and then they use things like masking tape and staplers to put it all together and it adds up to $500 and they act surprised and really proud which is the best part. have you seen it? you would know if you have because they are very smart and stylish. especially when they walk into a room with white walls, a brown leather couch, and new hardwoord floors and go, "OH NO!!! this room needs A LOT of HELP!"

first they interview the people:

her: "what do you want to do?"
them: "well, anything as long as it's not pink!"
her: "okay great kathy. mike, any requests?"
them: "well, i like everything except this carpet."
her: "FANtastic! we've got tons of options to make this couple happy. let's get started!!"

and then they make the room bright pink and they conceal the carpet by leaving it in the middle of the floor. it's definitely a great show because sometimes at the end the people cry when they see the changes, but stoffensive thinks it's tears of joy, and quite possibly the producers, so i get to keep watching it like twice a day, because every time i turn on the DVR, there are about six to 12 episodes. it airs more than the news so it must be important! bye!

a fun thing i like to do

2007-11-24T12:09:00.001-05:00

i am a hair-twirler. always have been, thanks to my nervous energy and easily-accessible hair. twirling calms my nerves. it feels good. the only people who have ever really acknowledged it are my boyfriend who finds it endearing and my grandma who despised it. i briefly lived with her in nyc for a few months after college. i would come home from work, change into sweats, and head down to her room where she was sitting on the warm beige herringbone couch with her crossword and magnifying glass and a news program turned all the way up. she had dark curly hair like mine, but hers was short and she would look at me with disdain through her red-rimmed reading glasses.

"why does it bother you so much?"
"do you think hilary clinton twirls her hair?" she would say shaking her head, wincing.
"what does this have to do with hilary clinton?"
"refined ladies do not play with their hair."
"you don't understand, grandma. hilary clinton totally twirls her hair off camera."

it was a constant battle and i would generally stop touching my hair long enough to tell her about my adventures at the teeny bopper magazine and swear up and down that Yes, grandma, Yes, i ate enough for dinner and No i would not like blueberries and cottage cheese, but thank you.

i have a fascinating relationship with my hair. i guess you could say it's my signature and yet i often want to just cut it all off and start fresh. i don't, however, have a craving for it like THIS WOMAN. just like it takes all kinds, apparently there are all kinds of hair relationships, and some involve dinner. it's really hard to say why she did it, although i can only imagine that it tasted like chocolate or she saw it on an episode of Dallas. who knows. i can only tell you that if you want to lose 10 lbs really fast and make headline news and force people who were enjoying a bowl of edy's slow-churned french silk ice cream to lose their appetite, then definitely start twirling and swallowing real fast. you will deliver a beautiful hairball this time next year and you will look FANTASTIC in your party dress.

**this entry is dedicated to my dear friend jessie who has enviably long, nice-smelling hair that is neither twirled nor eaten. happy birthday.**

The NYC Hairathon

2007-11-20T12:24:00.001-05:00

i'm in training, did you know?
well i am.
i'm training for the hairathon.
do you know what the hairathon is?
i didn't either until two saturdays ago.
it's kind of a big deal.

i found out about it during a trim with my mane man cipriano.
cipriano is tall, furry and full of attitude.

"how are you feeling?"
"feeling?"
"how are you feeeeling about your hair."
"bad, it's too curly."
"so you want a little LESS curly."
"yes."
"you want to RELAX the curl."
"yes. but not straight."
"it will be curly but LESS!"
"cool, can i do it now?"
"no, you go home and you TRAIN."
"train?"
"yes. it is like the marathon. you don't go out and run it one day. you TRAIN for it!" he said, pumping two bottles of deep therapy mask high above his head and slamming them down on the counter.

that's all there is to this story.

things that are too bad

2007-11-13T14:24:00.000-05:00

besides cankles, the only other thing that sucks in my mind today is STILL not being able to find inside out junior mints and people who tell you that what you're buying is bad for you.

cankles (exacerbated this season by the unfortunate reintroduction of the black ankle bootie) are self-explanatory, but i believe that self-righteous people are more royally screwed than kate middleton. if i want to buy a small bottle of diet dr. pepper, i know it contains chemicals that might shave nine weeks off my life, but that's okay because i don't want to live to be 105.6 years old anyway. you don't need to tell me not to buy it while you stand in line sipping your hurl gray tea. i don't tell you that your face is fat, so why judge? maybe i have just had butt implant surgery (thanks for that, peter) and it is the only thing the doctor has ordered.

so tell me.
what do you do when someone confronts you in line at the checkout?
do you:

tell them they're ugly
punt them to sixth avenue
get down on one knee and ask for their hand

i did all three and the wedding is next march!

literacy at the lady doctor

2007-11-13T07:43:00.000-05:00

when i go to the Lady Doctor (LD) i am immediately uncomfortable because 97% of my reading options feature a drooling child dressed as a felt pumpkin with questionably long eyelashes who may or may not be wearing mascara and a woman who is about 15 pounds lighter than i was at 16 in her 40th week of pregnancy.

first i think - her belly is totes fake - but then i think - no it's not, but her teeth are. don't even get me started on the child wearing makeup. you don't want to go there with me.

most of us have three options for reading material at the LD. well, four.

the first is motor trend, which is always lying in-between the pretty babies on a crumby table. if i felt i would be driving anything other than the backseat of a cab for the next 10 years i would maybe be interested in this publication but i'm not.

the second option is business week. does anyone read this? i'm sure they do. in fact, i am willing to gamble that a lot of people read it, because how else would we know that toys are being recalled and gas prices are high? this is the only place to find out these kinds of things and for that, we should all be grateful.

we all know the third option. if we read the baby and the parent magazines, it looks like we're having the baby or that we HAVE the baby and we, well, i, am not having a baby and i don't have one TO MY KNOWLEDGE.

finally, the fourth is the STD pamphlets and we all know what it looks like if we're engrossed in those, yes?

so basically to sum it up, bring your own entertainment to the LD unless you A) don't drive a cab from the backseat, B) put makeup on your child, C) buy toys in china, D) have syphillis.

that's all.

these with a side of eggie-wegs please

2007-11-11T12:02:00.000-05:00

as some of you know, i am kind of obsessed with sunglasses. some of you also know i am picky about how they fit, and once i find the right pair, i am very loyal. and then i wear them to death, like my costume national's, until they are so scratched up i can barely see straight.
well, it's almost time for a new pair and while i am loving the autumn chill, i am already looking ahead to spring for THIS reason (see pic). raf simons has collaborated with linda farrow on a sunglasses collection and it is badder than ass. linda farrow was a huge deal back in the 70s when she introduced a collection in london and it took off in a big way. not sure how many people knew about it here, but it was major there (she pioneered yoko ono's signature wraparounds, and was an eyewear wholesaler for designers like sonia rykiel and balenciaga).
anyway, about five years ago her son found about a thousand of them in an attic somewhere (or something like that) and they were rediscovered and here they are.
i'm sure they're like $600 and belong in a case in which case -ha- i'm not sure i'm worthy.
they would look ridiculous on me, but they're fantastic. very Clockwork Orange. would you like to buy them for me?
THANK YOU and you have a lovely sunday, too.

perspective from the 21st floor

2007-11-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

last friday we were in the middle of a run-thru. it wasn't going well. it never goes well on fridays. it's always raining, the lunch line is long and slow because friday is burger day and people are hungover as hell, something is always stuck in customs, usually a pair of shoes for a cover shoot, a metal clothing rail comes apart and smacks me in the head, an intern returns a ralph lauren suit...to kilgour...in the UK...and it's my boss's.
you know - the usual.
anyway, it was a particularly bad day and i went back to my desk to re-group, when suddenly a golden glow was cast on my monitor. the fashion "closet" (which is actually twice the size of my studio) is behind me, diagonally to the right, and i turned around and this is what i saw through the doorway. i was mesmerized. we all were. people filed into the conference room to get a better look. we all stood there together and stared at the orange sky.

This Time Next Year

2007-11-07T19:21:00.000-05:00

chytridiomycosis (a cute little pet name i just made up) will NOT be running for office.

can you handle it?

sent from my carpal tunnel

2007-11-06T20:31:00.000-05:00

i am retiring Dear Old Orange Pebl (DOOP) tomorrow and i am getting an iphone, thanks to that special someone.

this is the last time we were photographed together, me and DOOP. i don't look happy, do i. what can i say? the love faded.

here's the thing. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i think iphones are kind of toolish. when you get an email from them, it says "sent from my iphone." last i checked, my emails don't say "sent from nina's bitch." it would be a bit douchy, yes? oh well. i'm getting one anyway because my ipod was stolen and because a day without music is like a day without music.

so DOOP, if you see me on the street someday, and you don't know what to say, look away baby look away.

speaking of that, watch THIS. it's totally depressing but her purple gloves are FIERCE AS HELL!

as if we don't have ENOUGH to worry about

2007-11-06T20:01:00.000-05:00

it looks like our worst nightmare has finally come true:

SETTING BACK THE CLOCKS CAN BE A KILLER

did you set yours back?
i didn't. is it mandatory? oh well. instead, i have been leaving every day at 3:30 p.m. EST to prepare for the pending pedestrian outages. you know, like run-overs. i had to work late tonight so i wore one of these and one of these and i suggest you do, too.
let me tell you something. this flourescent jumpoff may slightly detract from your new fall coats, but it gets dark, like, real dark, like, NERVOUS dark in manhattan, and you wouldn't want to be caught dead without these or you could die. and don't quote me on this, but i think they come in other colors so you can coordinate and then have them monogrammed which i'm not gonna lie is very special.

good lookin out, right?

WRONG. i told you. GET INSIDE. ride it out. march is just around the corner.

CURLS GONE WILD

2007-11-06T00:30:00.001-05:00

hiya, i ran out of my favorite hair stuff this morning which is/was a real fricking bummer because A) apparently i have curly hair and B) i didn't have time to stop at my hair dresser, christo, to buy more, and i am kind of obsessed with both christo and his products. i haven't really had to substitute in like three years, so i had to figure out some shit tonight at this neighborhood store called "essentials" (if you want to call a store that sells mostly jigsaw puzzles and soy milk in a box "essential") on my way home from a highly enjoyable buzzed run (which may or may not be highly recommended by the medical community).

i combed the store and found the pantene section, which is basically the entire aisle (if you haven't noticed, pantene is kind of DOING it), and within the pantene "area," i found the curly beast products and within the curly beast products i found the right looking one. and then i found it again. and then i found it AGAIN.

they all looked exactly the same, smelled the same, had the same ingredients, but had different but not really helpful ENOUGH descriptions for curly hair.

the first one said:
volume and lift for body and fulnesss

the second one said:
long lasting control and shine

the third one said:
helps create and define curls and waves to control frizz

so i bought all three and mixed them up.

no, just kidding. i didn't buy any of them. i wigged out and bought cadbury christmas chocolate balls (like cadbury mini eggs but christmas ones- OH HOLY NIGHT!) and a poland spring instead, and peaced way the fuck out of that joint.

what's my problem? well since you asked, what ISN'T my problem?
i want it ALL!!!! i want body, i want shine, and i want to control frizz! AND I WANT IT ALL IN ONE BOTTLE!
people with curly hair SO don't make curly haired products because if they did, there would be one that also gives you stronger nails, a new ipod, and ten thousand dollars, if you're into that kind of thing.

BANANAS OR APPLES, WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?

2007-11-03T11:42:00.000-04:00

just now on GOOD EATS, the leader of the show who kind of stresses me out in a big way said bananas are the most popular fruit. i think WOW, i mean, some people might disagree and say apples are. i personally think bananas are the most popular fruit ALSO and want them to win, so let's see how they break down:

here is a quick breakdown:

APPLES:
pie
crumble
computers
gwyneth paltrow's baby

BANANAS:
as shoe polish
pie
cream pie
the movie
stefani shoutout
frozen
covered
split
ice cream
sorbet
boat
peel
baby food
foster

and i didn't even try that hard. i mean, i barely spent 12 seconds on this and i came up with ALL of these, so it's clear after breaking it down that bananas ARE in fact the winner.
congratulations.
you win.

**FOLLOW UP**
upon doing some research, i found THIS, which makes me question everything - my life, my fruit, my card. just eat what you want, it's NOT a popularity contest. and buy me this ugly bracelet. i like it.

some big ass news

2007-11-03T11:22:00.000-04:00

CLICK HERE

YES!

at leat we're only 20-24% obese in new york. it must be the healthy drinking water they're putting in our schools, and i WOULD like fries with that.

what women are talking about now

2007-11-03T10:08:00.001-04:00

yesterday morning, the elevator doors opened and two professional women in their late 40s, who may or may not clip Family Circus cartoons, entered:

"it's supposed to cool down a lot."

"i heard the same thing. they said it's really going to be a cold one."

"looks like our indian summer is over."

"you're ABSOLUTELY right barbara. well, at least it's friday."

"oh, i know. for me, it felt like thursday all week. every day i would wake up and say, 'is it thursday?' but it was only tuesday! isn't that funny?"

"that is so funny! see for me it was really fast monday through wednesday but then the week just slowed down the last two days."

"that happens to me a lot too!"

the sweater sets exited, a woosh of perfume and nail polish remover. the doors exhaled.

had anyone else noticed the Al Rokerfication of their conversation? do you? do i need a little less Tell Me You Love Me and a little more Today Show?

don't answer that.

halloweve

2007-10-30T23:03:00.001-04:00

good evening, britney spears was ordered to childproof her house, so i guess this means she wil be moving out?

today i resigned my lease and revisted maremma. maremma is a restaurant on west 10th street that is roughly two doors down from where i used to live with my ex. in case you're wondering that means, basically there are two doors and my ex lives behind one of them.
we ate here once when it first opened two or three summertimes ago. it was better this time around, mostly because the bar looks smashing with pumpkins and gourds. also, they serve a particularly spicy bean dip and gooey molten chocolate cake, and i'm not mad at that. it was the men's mag family, plus ali, michael, and david grieco. david created this line called Justice Bodan and it is really gorgeous. if you don't believe me, ask her because she thinks it's great, too, and i happen to think she's rad. speaking of which, i got stuck in an elevator yesterday with four interns. i couldn't make out most of what they were saying because they had too much gum in their mouths, but i think they were talking about how they are going to bring back the word "rad." i wanted to say "how can you bring something BACK when you never BROUGHT it?" but i was afraid they were going to bitch-clock me with their juicy couture bags, and we all know the reality of being blasted with 50 pounds of metal, so i cut them off at the salad bar instead.
i don't have much else to say because it is quite possible that i shouldn't have had that last macallan. but i will say that tomorrow is halloween and while i am not stepping up my costume game, i will be watching it from such great heights.
peace with your lease,
ninJa

the incredible inedible egg

2007-10-29T18:06:00.000-04:00

yesterday, i had an omelete for brunch. it cost $7.50 and it was the worst omelette i have ever eaten. i truly believe that it is hard to make bad-tasting eggs, especially when they are cooked in a vat of grease with fried vegetables and served with nice bread and butter, but it was awful and i considered sending it back which, in my culinary career, is something i have never done. this, however, was a special case. the omelette appeared flattened by a giant timberland boot and the vegetables tasted like a duck pond. it was inedible. it broke my heart. despite all of this, i saved the receipt and i grabbed a business card on the way out.

which brings me to this.
have you heard about it? it's a traveling exhibit and people can donate things that remind them of relationships gone bad, like an axe or a blackened liver. at first i thought WOW, i totally don't relate to this, but then i remembered, WhatTheFuckEver, you have the largest psychotically captured memento museum of all. somewhere in a crawlspace in my childhood home lies a barely-post-WWII trunk with a large shoebox inside that may as well be a withered organ. the withered organ contains things that make you want to weep, like a little pink spoon from baskin & robbins and a birthday candle and several gatorade bottle caps that say things like "bulls in five," and mix-tapes and a finger puppet made out of newspaper and about 246 match books and 369 restaurant business cards. i don't remember the significance of about 98.4% of these things, but i'm quite certain they meant something at the time.

i guess i hold onto these things more for the breakup than for anything else. i sit indian style on my bed sifting through little scraps of paper, blubbering, "we shared an apple on that bench." "it was cold in that movie theater." "that omelette tasted like feet." it's not like i would save them if the relationship actually worked out. i sure as hell don't need that kind of fire hazard in 25 years. maybe i should have a little more faith, and stop hoarding scraps of paper. maybe i should donate the shit to a museum. or better yet, here.

TYPICAL

2007-10-28T20:36:00.000-04:00

tonight, i stopped at duane reade to buy unscented lotion, eyeliner, and inside-out junior mints, because i saw them on the show "unwrapped" and they're limited edition and they're awesome. anyway, i'm over at the maybelline section and i hear someone yelling:

"YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS NOW! YOU'RE THE MANAGER, DO SOMETHING! THERE'S A LINE NOW AND YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF THIS. NOW!"

my initial reaction was that an employee was yelling at the manager to open up another register because the line was too long, and i thought it was pretty ballsy and kind of great, because as we all know, DR is notoriously slow as hell and i have always dreamed of unleashing my fury when there are four registers open, two people on line, and it still takes 45 minutes to complete a purchase. but as i got closer, i could see the the man was not, in fact, an employee. he was all sorts of crazy wrapped up in an enormous maroon sweatshirt and topped with an olive fishing cap. he stood to the right of the register and continued to scream.

"DO SOMETHING, YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF THIS CAUSE I'M GONNA STAND HERE ALL NIGHT! I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE, I WILL STAND HERE ALL FUCKING NIGIHT, THIS IS WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!" he said, jumping, jumping, jumping!

had the man been robbed? was someone lying in a puddle of blood in aisle 3? the manager continued to ring customers up as though this was nothing out of the ordinary. people in line looked bored and perplexed like all new yorkers do when someone is having a rage.

"WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT TWO FOOT MAN? HUH? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!"

i imagined him pulling out a gun and shooting all of us, eating a box of junior mints, and calmly exiting the store.

a big hipped earth mother walked over to him.

"what is with all of the racket? are you okay?"

"NO! i am TRYING to buy a glue trap."

"oh?" she said stifling a laugh. "that's not such a big thing now, is it?"

"YEAH, but because there is no BAR CODE on it, he won't just RING ME UP! AND I HAVE been to every duane reade in the city and i FINALLY find it and he won't sell it to me. AND I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE! I LIVE THREE BLOCKS FROM HERE AND I CAN YELL ALL NIGHT!!! I CAN YELL ALL NIGHT LONG TWO FOOT MAN, ALL NIGHT!!!!"

earth mother shrugged. i was next in line.

i paid for my things, trying to avoid the spit storm.

then, a security guard entered the store.

"oh good," i thought." someone is finally here to take care of this."

he sized up the situation. he looked at the man, the manager, and the line of people. and he walked past ALL of us, to buy some doritos.

facehookers

2007-10-26T08:41:00.000-04:00

on thursday, i had lunch at "Grayz." it is opening next week. the name is bad but the bread is crusty and the butter is creamy with fennel-laced oil in the middle. i usually don't like fennel, but in this particular case it worked. as i'm standing there trying to hail a cab, a bike messenger comes flying down the street and high fives me. it was fantastic. a real exchange. we need more of these and less of facebook.

facebok is a make-believe land apparently worth $15 billion and it scares the hell out of me. in particular, i am talking about the boys and girls who are in high school and college posting pictures of themselves throwing back shots and snorting lines and dancing half-naked and thinking these things will not come back to haunt them when they try to get a job at an ibank in 15 years. or maybe try to be the president of the united states, although i don't think that has ever held anyone back.

i am also baffled by the "mood" board, where iPeople update what they are iFeeling on the hour. "jenna is bored," it says. why not just BE what you are, where you are, with whom you are spending time with? and finally, you are not "poking," "licking," OR "touching" these people, and you never will, because you are relying on your computer to have a sex life for you.

do you remember the scene in Minority Report where tom cruise is walking through the mall and all of the stores are communicating with him because he has a chip planted in his eyeball? "welcome back, mr. anderton," they say.

i fear we are becoming robots and facebook is only the beginning.

fun fact

2007-10-25T08:20:00.001-04:00

do you ever get so into brushing your teeth that you push up too hard and scratch your cheeck? no? well, i do it quite frequently with my electric toothbrush, usually when i lean over to turn on the faucet. i think it has something to do with my inability to multi-task. i can't do two things at once.

for example, being sick and working out. here's the thing. normally i would be plowing my ass to the gym in a blizzard if i felt it was going to save my life, however, i recently discovered that it's not. if you belong to a new york sports clubs then maybe you know what i'm talking about. they have a "clubcom" channel that plays videos by the great musicians of our time like nickelback and hinder, plus "fun facts." the videos are too loud, so i am deaf three minutes into the workout, but the fun facts are silent, like a well behaved child. one of them says:

"women live an average of 1.3 years longer than women who don't work out."

that's all?!?!! i'm sorry, but in the world that i come from, which is not real, i get six months younger for every six months that i work out, so that by the time i'm 85, i'm 25*. would it kill them to say we live, like seven years longer? it's only a little white lie and then more people will sign up to go to the gym and everyone wins. sometimes honesty destroys me. i mean, what's the point?

*you know i can't do math. we've discussed this before, so why would you ask me to do a really hard equation, especially when i'm sick?!

my rhino will kick your rhino's ass

2007-10-22T20:29:00.000-04:00

good evening, i have rhinovirus. do you know what that means? it means your nose runs fast like a rhinoceros and you use tree bark with aloe to stop it.
some people refer to this as a "common cold."
there are 345,945* tips on how to treat a "common cold."
some advice is particularly helpful, especially the kind that comes from doctor's.
they like to say "the best way to treat it is to prevent it" when they are getting smart with us.
i know i will remember that the next time a 465 MPH* gust of mucous blows over.
someone else said to run a steamy shower while sitting on a nearby chair taking a sponge bath.
i don't know about you, but sitting on a cold toilet bowl sponging myself down while water runs "nearby" is something i regularly like to do.

the truth is, i know who made me get rhinovirus. it was the fancy fashion woman who sat next to me in a car last week.

my boss said "oh are you sick?"
and she said "yes."
and he said "well then why are you riding with us?"
and she said "because you said you'd give me a lift."
and he said "not if i thought you were sick."
and she said "well if i get you sick then you know who to blame."

so i am blaming you, fancy fashion woman. i am blaming you, your germs, your $658* haircut, and your $14,456* wardrobe, all of which put me in a bad mood, thereby weakening my immune system and causing me to get sick. you stink, and i will trample you with my rhinoceros the next time i see you so you better re-stock your tree bark.

*i may or may not have made up these numbers.

the gentrif-erosion of manhattan

2007-10-19T08:30:00.000-04:00

i have lived in eight apartments in five years.
in five years, i have had one flood, one fire, two mice, and three breakups.
it's not a lot, but it's something.

have you ever lit a piece of newspaper on fire and watched All the News That's Fit to Print brown and curl at the edges? sometimes i feel as though the city is doing this very thing at a rate in which i can actually see it happening. maybe it's an epidemic. i feel it getting smaller and smaller and i don't know what bloomberg is going to do about it, but since it effects me directly maybe he will want to step in. i'm sure it's at the top of his to-do list, along with banning chewing gum and cancer-causing agents like oxygen and trees. or maybe i need to stop moving. if you connected the dots to all of the memories in all of the neighborhoods in which i have lived, it would spell something really twisted. or maybe not. it would probably resemble the shape of an apple, since i kind of moved counter-clockwise. how fitting.

i am most nostalgic when i am driving through old neighborhoods and scenes-of-crimes. my ribs fuse, my fingertips go numb, and i can feel the drumbeat on my neck. not necessarily in a bad way. not always. but i become so overwhelmed by sights and smells that take me back to exactly what i was doing at that moment. i can't drive by 20th & 1st without feeling this way. or 23rd & 3rd, or bleecker & 10th, or 16th & 7th...

if you hit "star D" on my life and add seven years, it is the summer of 1986 and i am sitting in the backseat of the blue volvo listening to my walkman. the FDR feels about 50 miles long. we exit the 20th St. ramp into an army of brick buildings with hunter green windowsills and i know grandma's apartment is near. i feel safe because i am with my mother and father and sister, but once we say goodbye, and i am all alone in the guest room and the lights are out and i see the gray shadows chasing each other along the walls like cops and robbers with sirens as my soundtrack, it is a different story. i am scared. i am on mars. the next day, in broad daylight, standing in the peter cooper oval underneath an outdoor shower in rubber jellies with "true blue" playing on repeat in my head, i feel safe. but 10010 still feels like the whole wide world to me. in my mind, all of manhattan takes place on that one beating block. everything is experienced for the first time during my stays there. the first bialy. the first blue whale sighting. the first "little brown bag."

then i grow up and i move in. and with each address, i acquire a new bodega, a new shoe repair shop, a new dry cleaner, new memories, and new sets of problems. we all do. that's life. but sometimes i feel like we're running out of neighborhoods. have you ever noticed that every time it rains, diversity and record stores flow down the street, and when the sun shines and the pavement dries, another banana republic has sprouted?

i wish the city could grow neighborhoods the way it grows duane reade's, and delete the parts of the old hoods that make it so hard to be here, but it can't. besides, they say the rotten parts are what give you character. they make you smart and analytical and tough and funny. and even if they sometimes ruin your coat or break your heart, they leave you with great restaurant recommendations and the reminder to never put plastic in the oven again.

untitled

2007-10-17T22:25:00.000-04:00

"is it going to kill me?" she asks as she bites into a piece of sea urchin.
she doesn't hear the answer because she doesn't care. she is dizzy; she could be anywhere. it is her third mojito medley of the night, or whatever it was called. it had a ring to it, that much she remembers. there was grapefruit, mint, and some kind of berry. "is pomegranate a berry?" someone had asked and she is quite certain it is not. she had wanted it without a lot of sugar and they must have listened because it is tart and the first sip stung the soft flesh of her inner cheek where she had accidentally bitten herself too hard earlier in the day.

to her right is a group of young asian men in suits celebrating and taking pictures of themselves. the flash is jarring. several ashy blonde women of a certain age are drinking wine and laughing too loudly at another table. they are from the south and they are tourists. she doesn't know this to be true, but she assumes it based on their fingernails, florals, and updo's. she is acting like a judgemental elitist bitch. she hates herself for this. she looks down at the edamame. they have forgotten to bring a wooden bowl to dump the empty pods into, and her water hasn't been refilled all night. she is sitting at the end of the table with the younger perkier girl. the children's table, she thinks. she says it out loud and the girl agrees and they sort of laugh.

several older men who make more money and who have bigger jobs are also seated at the table. when she speaks, they kind of listen. the restaurant is downtown in a sprawling space of white and wood. there are all sorts of unmarked doors and staircases and rules for the order of ordering and yet it strikes her when a new party walks into the room, the waiters stop what they are doing in order to yell something like "ha-YAH!" and the grating noise is beginning to sound like rush hour in penn station and she doesn't like penn station at rush hour or at any hour for that matter. someone at the table says it's a common japanese greeting. she's not so sure. she eats another piece of sushi with too much wasabi and it goes up her nose.

the girl had been here before, a few years earlier, with a friend and the friends' boyfriend for a tasting. she had taken pictures and rolled her eyes deliriously with the passing of each plate and had stayed until the very end and then, high on food and the newness of exclusivity, she had spoken on the phone with her then boyfriend who was in a far away land about all of the things she had eaten. it was nighttime and she was in a cab going home and he had called her a big shot and she was satisfied. he always called her that when she had done something he deemed cool or important, even if it wasn't.

now she stares down at her plate and stabs at the ginger rose. nothing is new. she feels empty. the only thing new is this empty sensation, which she finds terribly unsettling. it won't go away and she suddenly feels old.
they pile into a cab and ride to the fashion show. she holds her breath like she always does when the models walk down the runway. tonight they are wearing skinny pants and skinny ties and everything is white! white! white! and the backless gowns skim the same girls' tailbones that skimmed their tailbones a month ago in bryant park. afterwards, everyone steps on the backs of each other's hems and heels to get to the champagne.

the girl can't breathe and her feet ache. she surfs the black wave, kisses the air, and hails a cab for the fourteenth time that day. she takes off her shoes, slides down the seat, and opens both windows. as they turn up the west side highway, the hudson river smells like the ocean and a blast of cold air catches her hair, blowing it off her face. she likes it.

loose change

2007-10-17T00:00:00.000-04:00

when an apple, an orange, and a small bottle of water cost $6.12 at the corner store, i wonder if i should buy the Extra Value Meal for half the price and get fat. and yet, instead of cutting my losses, i round out the $10 bill and buy a dark chocolate ritter sport with marzipan for $2.69. less change that way.

i hate change, but you'd never know it.

underneath my kitchen sink, there is a gallon-size ziploc bag with maybe (rough estimate) $179.50 in quarters, dimes, and sacagaweas. although sacagawea is strikingly wholesome with cheekbones that could cut tofurkey, i am not a fan because, like Wu-Tang, cash rules everything around me (c.r.e.a.m.). or maybe i have a thing for george washington. it's the curly white locks and ruffled blouse. very lagerfeld-esque. perfection.

have you ever been to the penny arcade in commerce bank? it stresses the hell out of me.

i've only been once, way back when i lived in chelsea. first of all, you have this gigantic bag of change in your purse, so you sound like a janitor or santa. then you throw out your back, because you have also decided that it would be a good idea to bring your laundry in at the same time, because you generally like to kill six birds with one stone. then you tell yourself to bring it in. then you get there and it's not in a private little coin dumping room like you thought it would be. no. it's in the main part of the bank, so everyone is standing in line getting ready to deposit big money - upwards of thousands of dollars, maybe even millions! - and they are watching you with your busted bag of change and silently judging you because you look ridiculous and it's four o'clock in the afternoon and you are hungover and your hair is everywhere because it's mid-july and you are wearing a too-big stained sweatsuit, because, LIKE I SAID, you are doing laundry and you're lucky to even have the damn sweatsuit and underwear for that matter. you may or may not have had underwear on actually, it's hard to say. then the machine begins to talk to you and make announcements in a really embarrassing way that is very Price is Right and you have to dump the change in and the coins go all over the place and lint and dust come flying out.

WHAT. A. RACKET.

on an entirely new reservation, since i seem to have gotten off the last one, i am kind of obsessed with this particular ryan adams song that he recorded with the cardinals a couple years back on "jacksonville city heights." the song is called "the hardest part," do you know it? maybe it's old news, but i am in love.

"i could stretch that penny like a silver line
rolling through the pages of my life
underneath your name where it's underlined
i've been turned around
i've been mystified by a true love
and that ain't the hardest part"

*happy 19th bday jaimer the flamer*

city of enlightenment

2007-10-15T21:16:00.000-04:00

i took a picture of this plant - let's call him henry - on a windowsill in ABC Cafe yesterday morn.

"i don't want my stem to rot," he said. "please don't let water touch my stem, love u."

the fragile girl who took our order - let's call her moonshine - had porcelain skin, flaxen hair, and marble eyes the color of midnight.

she ambled s l o w l y over to the table and sort of asked us if she could get us anything.

"i'd like a cup of organic coffee please."

nothing.

"see, right here on the menu?"

no recognition.

"it says that you have organic coffee on the menu. right?

her marble eyes rolled from me, to meg, to jess, then back to me.

i felt confusion. then doubt. then shame for silently berating this delicate ivy league(?) flower.

i pointed to the menu, which offered only two kinds of coffee - HOUSE and ORGANIC - and i gently shook it, hoping the words would detach from the page, float through the air, and melt onto the palm of her hand, since she held no tablet or pad of any kind.

suddenly a faint light danced around her glassy eyes. she nodded slowly and coffee was produced, along with two saucers of soy milk.

moonshine delivered.

this is the ithaca i know and love. the real ithaca. you experience these kinds of things everywhere you go: the plant with the feelings of its own; the half-stoned, half-genius girl with no common sense; the embracement of whole foods.

being around these things makes me want to bathe in vat of patchouli oil and knit big woolen sweaters and have a compost pile in my yard and tote organic produce in a canvas sack made out of bamboo and ride around in a chariot with my first born, Sage.

ithaca is enlightened.

i could live in ithaca. the girls think i would go crazy after a few weeks, but i do believe that i am a hippy at the core.

even if i don't nest-up there, i know i will make that trip forever. or at least until i am so old i can no longer climb on top of a barstool and order a maker's mark for $2.25 at micawbers. or act like an idiot at iron kettle farm. or act like a poseur in front of my school. or take the same pumpkin picture that i take every year. but that day will never come, because i have my lady friends.

the one train

2007-10-14T19:59:00.000-04:00

i entered the subway car tonight with a cold nose and dry hands. i was enjoying an andrew bird song when, several stops into the ride, a homeless man got on and started yelling about this and that. i turned up the volume like i always do when someone potentially(?) crazy joins us.

"this isn’t our song
this isn’t even a musical
i think life is too long
to be the whale in a cubicle"

everyone ignored him. everyone except the girl with the red hair sitting across from me. she turned toward him and scrunched up her face like she was going to either cry or make out with him. i wondered "What is wrong with her? why is she making funny faces at a strange man? is she bipolar?" i stared at her purple sneakers and blue tights. i pretended to read an advertisement.

then i heard something too random to ignore:

"ray charles rode in a cadillac, know why? because he was a romantic!"

rainbow brite laughed. everyone laughed. and just like that he had an audience. he talked about how we should "smile at each other," and "be kind," and "stop looking so angry all of the time." yes, it was a bit trite, but it's nice to brush up on the basic rules of humanity from time to time. and the fact that it was perspective coming from someone who appeared to have nothing made it all the more intriguing. it made me want to hug him. the man sitting next to me got so choked up he had to put his head down. then he handed the guy a couple of bills, stood up, and partially mooned us.

it's easy to find warmth underground.

to grandmother's house we go

2007-10-12T19:10:00.000-04:00

a few weeks ago i had rosh hashana dinner at my grandma's house.

i wrote:

"i walked around her house tonight taking photographs of the random things that remind me of my childhood: the precise thickness of the blue/green carpet in the living room; the beige patterned curtains in the basement; the ancient readers' digests collecting dust on an end table; a rusty old stationery bike; the ever-so-slightly cracked tiles."

i am attaching some of the photos. they are mostly trinkets from her basement, which is where i spent much of my time in-between teeth-cleanings with dr. grandpa and being a brat on holidays. we played a lot of pool. a lot. i was a shark at seven and now i can't even break. and yet. these pix are very special to me. i am happy to share them with you.

do you walk to school or bring your lunch?

2007-10-12T16:08:00.000-04:00

i may as well write a book about my cab experiences. upon exiting the empire state bldg earlier today, i hailed a cab.

"where to?"

"57th & eighth avenue please."

"five seven?"

"yes, five seven."

silence. we drove half a block. he turned around.

"okay m'am i'm going to give you the option to get out now."

"why?"

"i can't go straight."

"okay?"

"so i have to go south two blocks before i can go west."

"okay?"

"so would you rather get out?"

"and walk?"

"i just want to give you the option to get out."

"but i don't want to get out."

"where do you want to go?"

"to 57th & eighth avenue. as planned."

"how would you like me to get there?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------
*title inspired by wayne newman and his 7th grade history(?) teacher

thilly thurthday thtuff

2007-10-11T23:24:00.000-04:00

it's amazing how a horse and a golden retriever can add a little perspective to your day.

i was running hurlaciously late this morning, but luck be a lady, i caught a cab and we were flying. the yellow sea never parts in times square, especially on a rainy morning, but today it did. all of a sudden we come to a halt. i look to my left and there's a horse literally galloping down broadway. not trotting. not cantoring. galloping. maybe you had to be there, but i thought it was a pretty ridiculous event.

tonight, on my way home, there was a fat and happy golden retriever being combed on my stoop. he was all paws and sleepy smiles, and parked beside him was a small red radio flyer cart. like, he's so fat that he can't walk, and he's so happy because his bitch carts him around. either way, i'm pretty sure i had an abnormally extreme reaction, because i laughed so hard that i snorted and eight people acted weirded out by me, including the dog, the driver, and my doorman.

the point of this story is - well, there isn't really a point - except to say that even though it was a kind of crappy day, and i really didn't feel very well, and i didn't get enough sleep, and it was a monsoon, my day started and ended with a horse and a dog.

i fucking love this city.

coupla things

2007-10-10T21:53:00.001-04:00

a very old homeless man mimicked me on the street today. i must have been passing him on the sidewalk when i said "YO!" loudly into my cell phone, and he repeated it, but even louder and in a silly cackly way that cracked me up. it's funny how the smallest things are the ones you remember most about your day.

something significant did happen this afternoon. i shook bill clinton's hand. i went to an audemars piguet watch press conference at the Four Seasons, because they unveiled a new timepiece that is only - get your checkbooks out NOW!! - $137,000 in platinum, and they donated money to his foundation. i darted out at the end because i was running late. as i exited the building, he was on my right, and i couldn't help but stop and stare. it was fascinating to see grown men bow before him; cabbie's sideswipe each other to get a glimpse. he smiled at me. i held out my hand. he is very tall and handsome and charming. he is also a good man with great intentions. i hope he wins. well, not him, but you know what i mean.

TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

2007-10-08T21:22:00.001-04:00

i am three years older than china's richest lass, who is worth $6-oops HAHA dropped the one!-$16 billion.
it really is a beautiful rags to riches story but i'm too tired to attach the link. it just takes SO much work, but you can go to reuters.com and figure it out.

anyway, so hi. today was my first day back in the office and that's always a bit of a laceration, but it could have been worse. plus, i have ithaca to look forward to this weekend. we're going up for a mere two days and one night, but it's worth it because it is PEAK season, and you know what that means - FOLIAGE! it's supposed to be 50 degrees on saturday, just in time for our visit. i'm happy it's going to be frosty. it wouldn't be the same experience any other way.

i am looking forward to the following things, but if they don't happen it doesn't matter because they will:

-buying major amounts of candy at wegman's
-driving in the car with my lady friends
-touching the native american's wooden arm in micawber's
-having a nice cold one in micawber's
-driving up to campus and laughing at the ithakids
-running over a couple of them
-haha i'm joking, only PR girls do that!
-and so many more things but didn't you hear me when i said I'M TIRED?

before i say до свидания, how do we all feel about HBO's new series "tell me you love me"? do you like it? do you love it? do you find it uplifting? i especially like the woman who pulled the paper towel dispenser out of the wall at rite aid. wowee. you shouldn't rush motherhood anyway. look at this picture and TELL ME YOU LOVE ME! TELL ME! LOVE ME! DAMNIT, TELL ME!

p.s. i didn't sell out and buy a television if that's what you're thinking. stop judging me, GOD.

the beach

2007-10-06T13:39:00.000-04:00

there is something about the beach - i could run for miles. on friday morning, i ran and ran and ran and when we drove the length of it before dinner, we discovered that it was 6.6 miles. i think that's the farthest i've ever run. it's nice to know that my arms and legs still work in my old age. it is strange though, because this morning i ran around a park in nyc and even though i only did about 3 miles, i was d r a g g i n g. i'm telling you, it's the breezy beach and the salty air. maybe it has electrolytes in it.

julie left a day earlier than i did for a wedding in d.c., so at dinner on friday night, it was just me and my parents and my aunt and uncle. i asked my mom what she liked most about turning 60. this led to a discussion about everyone's happiest day(s) and decade(s). although the baby boomer's spoke fondly about certain periods in their lives (having babies, going abroad, etc.), none of them wished they could go back to a different time. my mom said turning 60 last month was the best. "you really know who you are and you're much easier on yourself." she said the same thing when she turned 50. my dad's happiest moments are all about surprises. surprise parties, surprise gifts, etc.

and i can relate to that. not to the surprise part - i kind of hate surprises. but i guess i like the unexpected positive turnaround, like when i found out i got my job. it was almost two years ago, and i was at a career low point. i was picking up a frame in the west village, and when i found out i got the job, i was so shocked that i turned around and hugged the store owner. also, i don't think i'd ever want to go back in time. who wants to be a teenager again? who wants to go through heartache and loss? of course, i'd love the clear skin and bright eyes of a kid, but i do believe in moving forward.

other vacation highlights:

sitting on the beach with my dad and watching the sky turn purple
walking on the sand
millions of clear jellyfish
marathon games of boggle
bowls of manhattan clam chowder
eggplant rollatini
eggplant parmesan
spicy seafood jumbalaya
this isn't all about food
i promise
sleeping in a bunk-bed for the first time since i was 12
long beach island in october - empty beaches for miles
long beach island, period.
it's only 2 hours from nyc.
and i'm not mad at that.

i hope we can do another trip soon. maybe next year we'll go back to sandbridge beach in virginia, like old times.

*photos by howie

so long farewell

2007-10-03T09:46:00.001-04:00

i am leaving for the beach today thru saturday.

have a great rest of your week and try not to stare at people when they are working out. it's weird.

no news is not news

2007-10-02T16:54:00.000-04:00

good afternon.

i am on vacation and it is great. i woke up late, ran a bunch of miles, and met a friend for a platter of food in the west village.

so.

i am no longer going to read cnn.com and if i do, it's purely for entertainment purposes. when five of the top news stories make you go "ohhhhh yay!" and "he totally IS adorable!" and "awwwww..." and there is nothing that makes you go "shit, "damn," or "FUUUUUCK" like this one:

pages/science/index.html

then it's time to move on.

sorry for whining.

nobody likes a whiner.

look at the pretty shoes. do you like them?

the day the music (industry) died

2007-10-02T09:11:00.000-04:00

this is kind of wonderful:

2007/10/02/an-album-that-costs-what-you-want-it-to

how much, if anything, would you pay for radiohead's soon-to-be-released album?

pigeon update

2007-10-01T23:49:00.000-04:00

omg, did you see the dow hit a record high today? I KNOW, i was totally beside myself too.

so the new plan of attack at paul brown stadium in cinci is that employees will now be allowed to shoot pigeons with laser guns.

2007/football/nfl/10/01/bengals.pigeons.ap

i know what you're thinking and i agree that it makes one-hundred percent perfect sense because now instead of poop pellets, the pigeons will actually fall out of the sky, and only a handful of people will be blinded at each game, so it is DEFINITELY a win win situation!

thank GOD peta got involved.

pigeons and shit.

2007-09-29T12:43:00.000-04:00

guess what! there's a pooping pigeon situation in cincinnati and it is MAJOR and they are about to start shooting at them every time they go number two.

/sports/football/nfl/bengals/2007-09-28-pigeons_N.htm

and now a short survey:

1- in your mind, and your mind ONLY, do you think pigeons look like flying rats?
2- do you like it when they kick a cloud of avian flu dust in your face with their pretty rat claws?
3- do you like the white ones better because they look like doves?
4- are you racist?
5- would you consider adopting one?
6- would you like to start shooting at them?
7- how comfortable are you with a BB gun?
8- how about an air-powered pellet rifle?
9- how long do you think it will take to potty train them in wash, d.c.?

thanks for making a difference.

LEFT, LEFT, LEFT RIGHT LEFT

2007-09-28T10:48:00.001-04:00

the above is NOT to be read in a drill seargent's voice, rather, how you should feel about your feet when you have reached the top of an escalator, a flight of stairs, or when the doors have opened to the elevator or subway car. yes, even when you are walking on the sidwalk.
sideWALK. walk people, walk.
this is how i feel we should all think.
LEFT RIGHT LEFT.
KEEP IT GOING.
MOVE IT ALONG.
a man this morning was reading a book as he exited the subway car. we were all tripping over him and awkwardly adjusting our paces so that we had some sort of clusterfuck going on around a stairwell that i almost fell through and died. that last part was for effect, but the point is...
am i the only one who feels this way?
do i need to TIDAN, generally?

a random smattering

2007-09-27T13:21:00.000-04:00

i am presently eating a little slice of heaven from billy's bakery called a chocolate cupcake with rainbow sprinkle chips on top of a chocolate cake. our delightful ex-intern brought them in as a gift. i don't much like cake, because i'm weird, but i more than make up for it by shoveling frosting by the spoonful.

fat and happy is underrated.

so there's this publicist that i work with, and her name is poppy. i have decided that it is the coolest name ever.

poppy myers.

does it not have a ring? i feel like i would see the world more brightly, like in the wizard of oz when it goes from black & white to technicolor.

wouldn't it be great to see things this way ALWAYS?

it has been a busy week, all around.
dinners every night; shoots every day.

tuesday's dinner was at salmon river. it's a totally depressing place, but can you IMMEDIATELY go to www.salmonrivernyc.com and watch the owner's video?

i had no idea that real live salmon roamed the earth.
i call them salmen.

these are the people in my neighborhood.

2007-09-24T21:05:00.000-04:00

last night after the nail appointment, but before i ate an entire bag of indian corn (which i highly recommend doing if you never want to sleep again), i rode the elevator to my apartment. i live on the second floor so you can imagine the climb. i was facing the doors like normal people do, when the glossy woman to my left turned to face me. she was in her early 40s or late teens, it can be so hard to tell.

she was wearing chanel ballerina flats, a cartier tank watch, black trousers, and a pat-a-cake face. i was wearing running shorts, flip flops, and a hoodie that i have owned since this woman was doing keg stands at Princeton. her matchy sons, whom i've seen before with "the help," were uncoordinatingly bouncing some kind of ball behind me. they were below boob level so probably about seven or eight unless they are elves in which case that's AWESOME!

with crossed arms, she gave me the 4 Times Square up-down, glared at the elves, and began to whine. yes, whine:

"i wish I could get a pedicure on a sunday night."

long pause.

"must be nice."

no response.

"IT ALL CHANGES."

the doors opened.

i turned to face her.

"this isn't fun for me," i said. i don't like pedicures."

i smiled. i can't tell if she did or not because her face was filled with canine cologne or whatever they're injecting these days.

what i wanted to say was, "tsk tsk. you poor thing. it's so terrible that you only have a nanny for each child. YOU need a nanny TOO!"

thoughts for the fall

2007-09-23T19:35:00.000-04:00

it is officially autumn and that means i can wear my new birthday boots.

diana says you can't hurry love.

my mama says love is a decision.

i believe that both are true.

time for a pumpkin.

this little piggie cried wee wee wee

2007-09-23T17:39:00.000-04:00

i am having (a few) hang-ups with my hands and feet. my nails are a big part of the problem, but so are my bones.
i always thought i had nice long fingers and nice-enough feet.

lately i can't say this is true. my hands are rough. they look like they've been through a few things, even though they haven't. my feet are long, narrow, and bony. my nails are brittle.

i believe the culprits are:

pointy shoes
paper cuts
and age.

here is what is causing me anxiety. i agreed to be a hand and foot model (?!?!) tomorrow for a watch shoot, and now i have to get a manicure and a pedicure.

there must be something wrong with me. i hate these things. it starts the second i walk in. i have to pick a color, but i don't like nail polish in general, so naturally i am not pleased with any of the choices. they all look exactly the same and the names are vague, like "me talk pretty one day" and "tanning in barbados." after scouring the shelves for 10 mind-numbing minutes, i always end up with the same boring color anyway. i don't like sitting next to strangers pretending to enjoy reading about how well ben and jen are raising their violet and i also don't like how the pedi-filers assume that just because i have a lot of hair on my head that i require a full body wax.

also, it smells like someone tipped over a 10 gallon bottle of nail polish remover (because they did) and the chairs that massage you are not really massaging you. and you have to take off your jewelry and then some creepy woman rubs your back and pinches your neck a little too hard, and then you always stub your toe on something, smearing the nail polish and then they shake their head and curse about you in a make-believe language and redo the mistake about 50% as well as they did it the first time, and then you pay but there is always a credit card problem or you can't find your cash, so you dig into your purse ruining your manicure and it's a heart-racing ordeal, and the hard candies are always bad flavors and i am sweating just thinking about having to go.

but they close at 7 and my feet aint getting any prettier.

hasta.

things that are dumb

2007-09-21T11:57:00.000-04:00

there's only one thing that i think is dumb today and it's called "THE WAY I ARE" by timbaland.

this song title makes me want to drop-kick michael jordan while screaming "AM AM AM AM!" over and over, but i love michael jordan so why would i do something like that? also, i don't want people to think i have tourettes, because i don't. i only have it when i have gone five blocks in a cab and i already owe $16. so like twice a day.

i also want to teach him the correct spelling of his name. i know it's hard to have to remember both your first and last name 100% of the time, but i think he should try to at least get it right 53% of the time, especially since his first and last name are the same thing.

there, that's all.

"AM!"

damn.

a beary tale

2007-09-20T19:04:00.001-04:00

hey guys, remember Very Imporant Bears (aka VIB's)? well, they are staging a comeback as fall's hottest accessory, so back way the fuck up.
i am mad about humphrey beargart and i am all set to splurge.
the problem is this: beargart, along with lauren bearcall and katharine hepbearn, is sold out. since 1987. V.I.B.'s are hotter than 10 miu miu bags and miu miu 10 times fast is ME ME ME.

but that is neither here nor there.

anyway, do it today. do it now. you deserve it. if not for your country, do it for your president, miu miu.

on a lighter note, my neighbor is a cymbal crashing douchebag. is it wrong that i hope he electrocutes himself whilst playing his guitar?

glad we're on the same page. glad i metcha.

the moment we've all been waiting for

2007-09-19T11:11:00.000-04:00

YOU NEED TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW, OKAY?! RIGHT NOW.

on cnn.com they are asking people "IF I WERE PRESIDENT" what would i do? they are telling us to "fire up" our videos and share our thoughts with THE WORLD!

"http://www.cnn.com">/exchange/ireports/topics/forms/election/if.president.html

i have been waiting for this moment for many moons. i'm sure you're already aware of this, but one of my favorite things to do is stand on top of a bridge chair belting out Heart lyrics.

i like some of the same things as most people, like long walks and sunsets. if i were your leader, we would do these things more often, like all of the time. i think our current president doesn't really stop to smell the roses, and I LOVE ROSES!!!!

here are even more things that We the People agree on: everyone would have a heart of gold and an afghan hound named farrah fawcett. we would have more chocolate covered coffee beans, because is it just me or are they IMPOSSIBLE to find?! and stamps. stamps are always so hard to come by and if i were president, they would drop from the sky every other monday at 3:30.

wouldn't it be great to have these things AND MORE? i will make your dreams come true.

GOD BLESS AND GUSENTEIT.

BREAKING NEWS

2007-09-17T06:26:00.000-04:00

hello. i was devoured by a giant red ant monkey last night. he basically looked like a cross between these two people. he started out small, like ant-size, but then he became a flaming giant ant monkey, and i had to spring to action. the thing you need to know about ants is that they will not generally kill you even though they are fierce looking.
but remember what i said - HELLOO ARE YOU LISTENING??? - THIS was a giant red ant monkey with long legs and attitude.

anyway, the good news is, i made it. I MADE IT. i'm not sure you're aware of this, but most people don't usually survive the attack. but i did. so when you visit, please make sure to bring a large bag of peppermint patties as ants don't like peppermint. and candy corn and a little extra cash would be great, too. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

OBESE KIDS ARE GETTING FAT

2007-09-16T11:18:00.000-04:00

hey how's it going. did you know that some of our nation's children are getting obese? i had no idea, so i'm glad i read the new york times:

/2007/09/16/business/16feed.html

turns out, it's a fat. remember the little boy who got sucked through the tube in the willy wonka chocolate river? that's what all kids look like today. i didn't know either because i hate children too. so god bless the united states of america for banning our three largest beverage companies from stocking satan's punch in elem. and middle school vending machines. can you guess which ones? they rhyme with hoka hola, bepsi, and thweppes. so instead of yummy drinks like hoke and biet bepsi, kids are going to be drinking dasani water, which is a much healthier alternative because it comes from a hoka hola drain pipe on the side of the road in detroit. HOORAY!

there's no place like

2007-09-16T01:44:00.000-04:00

julie and i had a fight today in her childhood bedroom. there was pushing involved. the word "hate" was used. several times. we were five and eight-and-two-thirds all over again. but we're not kids anymore. we're 29 and 32-and-two-thirds, and this is not how big girls behave. i was ashamed. she went for a long walk. i sort of watched pans labyrinth.

the last time we got into a (big) fight was in a wendy's somewhere in upstate new york about 10 years ago. it was over chocolate pudding. we pinched each other. tears were shed. my mother turned around and gave the man with a three-year-old a knowing look.

this afternoon, after the fight, but before the company arrived for the party, i went downstairs to the kitchen. between sips of scotch and handfuls of spicy thai nut mix, my mother and i talked about sister stuff. "i remember the exact moment aunt lois and i decided to stop fighting. i was 30. i was pregnant with you and we just drew a line in the sand." i imagined them sitting on a beach with a piece of driftwood, but i don't think she was being that literal.

julie and i got ready for the party in the same room. we complimented each others' outfits. we worked on my mothers' birthday card. we presented her with the gift. we had a drink. we ate chinese food. we took a photograph on the steps. we never resolved anything.

everything is going to be okay.

the big six, oh.

2007-09-14T23:36:00.001-04:00

my gorgeous mother turned 60 today. happy birthday. happy friday. happy new year. l'shana tova.

we had a family party tonight with an abundance of sweets: bday cake and hershey nuggets and pineapple-flooded fruit salad. missing were apples and honey and andes candie's from my grandmother's crystal-cut bowl. this was disappointing. andes candie's were always a myers family staple, but she is growing more senile with each passing day. i hate it. i walked around her house tonight taking photographs of the random things that remind me of my childhood: the precise thickness of the blue/green carpet in the living room; the beige patterned curtains in the basement; the ancient readers' digests collecting dust on an end table; a rusty old stationery bike; the ever-so-slightly cracked tiles.

she presented us with a folder containing letters and cassette tapes from our year in england (1984-1985).

precious. priceless.

julie at age nine was already so grown up and sophisticated: "i'm anticipating our travels to normandy and i am quite looking forward to dining on french fare." i was the baby, spelling-out everything phonetically and getting the lyrics to "ring around the rosy" all wrong: "ashes, ashes. FAWWWWLL DOWN!" our new york accents were so pronounced.

i will write more later, but everyone is downstairs. i should really go visit with them.

that is such a grandma gladys word: "visting."

it has been almost four years since she died. i think about her every day. it gets easier, but there's always a dull ache; a longing.

as promised

2007-09-14T14:52:00.001-04:00

here is the carmen electra pic. see her stiletto? to the left is my face. you can't see it, but it's there.

hi.

the beat of brazil

2007-09-12T23:26:00.000-04:00

here are some pix from 2xist. one thing is clear: they need to work out more.

truthfully

2007-09-12T00:00:00.000-04:00

i never liked them. i thought they were gaudy; the bob ross-ification of the new york city skyline.
"and let's just paint a happy little tree over here."
tall, ugly, monstrous boxes.

it's not like i avoided them. i visited frequently, mostly with my grandma gladys who grew up in new york city and tried desperately to get me to like the same things that she did: chopped liver, sour cream with blueberries, the M9 bus. the first time i remember going was when i was about 10. we were coming down the elevator and when the doors opened, a little girl was standing there with her parents. she was my twin. i know people always say that, but she truly was. we looked exactly the same, right down to our side ponytails (it was 1988). we both stared at each other. my mother made a comment. we got out. she got on. we moved on.

i also remember visiting in the summer of 2000. i woke up one morning with a random urge. i hadn't thought about them in years, but i found myself walking south on broadway, and before long, i was taking the elevator to the top, and pressing my head against the glass. "just like ants," i heard someone say. it made me nostalgic. my grandma had once pointed out the same thing about the people below. i walked around the tower several times and went into that little room where you could take an aerial tour. the room darkened. your seat moved. it was fun. i kept the ticket stub. but mostly, i just remember that i felt safe. so safe. and i know this, because the thought never crossed my mind that i wasn't.

i miss them.

blame it on the rain

2007-09-11T23:32:00.000-04:00

it rained. i guess i wished a little TOO hard. i got stuck in the epic september soak, and i don't think i will ever forget it. within 20 seconds, the avenues were flooded with calf-high water. i bounded across eighth avenue, dodging about five speeding cars in 4-inch heels. who does that? who wears those?

miracle of miracles, a cab pulled over.

"thank you so much, you saved my life!"
"sweet-haaat, i'm pullin' ova cause i'm tryin' to get a slize-a pizza."
"here," i said, thrusting my bag of chips up front. "have these. we have no time. i must get to the armory in 15 minutes."

and we were off.
we munched and gabbed about the day like old friends.

on NPR this morning they discussed (at great length), the consequences of working at the WTC site, post-9.11. and it's terrible, really. everyone ran for cover, except the people who rescued us and saved our city. and now their health has been compromised. i wish i could fix it. i worry for my friends, too. the ones who lived downtown. the city was burning for days and weeks. there's no way they were breathing healthy air.

but let's not dwell.

on a (much) lighter note, carmen electra shook her booty in my face tonight at the 2xist show. i had to fan myself. no, not because of her -- the brazilian supermales.

do you see what i see

2007-09-11T00:30:00.001-04:00

here is the dress from the narciso show that i am never going to own. she looks like an angel. a very hungry angel.

i have decided that i am going to get apple television even though i don't currently own a television, nor do i have any interest in television programs. i think they're depressing. i feel anxiety when the Frasier skyline comes onto the screen, i hate the dingy Seinfeld colors, and the first few notes of Raymond make me twitchy and irritable. but apple tv is the answer. i don't know what the question was, but i'm pretty sure the answer is apple. generally.

it is officially 9/11. we were down at the world financial center tonight for the john varvatos show and all i could think about was how selfish it was for them to have the show atop this huge skyscraper overlooking ground zero on the eve of the anniversary. especially since tomorrow it falls on the exact same day of the week as it did six years ago. it's just wrong. i hope the sky is not bright blue tomorrow. i hope it rains. i hate that perfect 9/11 sky. it creeps me out. it's going to rain.

bloody sunday

2007-09-09T21:44:00.001-04:00

dad sent pix from my bday. i attached a few. i can't believe my mom is turning 60 on the 14th. she looks younger than all of us, it's psychotic. the first pic is of me playing with the kids who basically told me i was a retard and know nothing.

so i have no idea what i was talking about last night.
tonight all i care about is the fact that i'm finally home at a decent hour and i can tackle so many exciting projects like cleaning my blender.

narciso was gorgeous. there was this ethereal white silk dress, but it would probably cost me three months rent, so i am going to just say no. philip lim was beautiful. there is one bag that i am having a meltdown over. i was fixated on it and i don't know why. it was tan leather with blocks of mostly primary color, and it caught my eye and i have to have it. basically i didn't see a weak womens show today, even at dkny and kors. most of the mens left a lot to be desired. it's not that they were poorly produced or unattractive. it's just that i found them to be somewhat unimaginative. you don't have to go overboard, but it's good to fall somewhere in the middle. then again, if everything doesn't look like banana republic, how are the masses going to wear it? sounds mean, but it's true. if you ask the 25 boys in my office what they're wearing tomorrow, 98% of them are going to be wearing something from banana. they all look great but they are starting to look like the same person. hybrids rarely exist outside of fashion. the only people rolling their cuffs "just so" or accessorizing with vintage fedoras or bright pink stripy socks are in fashion or in a similar field, like photography, advertising, etc. i find that men would much rather blend in.
women are so much more creatively inclined.
aren't we great?
i know.

listening to a nelly furtado song. "flames to dust. lovers to friends. why do all good things come to an end?" i know what you're thinking but i can't help it. i am no elitist when it comes to music.
forgot to mention that i got drunk at brunch today at paris commune. wendell and i decided that it would be a great idea to order bloody mary's for the table. halfway through the meal, nick turns to me and says in his authoritative british tone: "now nina, don't get too drunk...we don't need you falling down the stairs at kors." so of course i spend the next two minutes defending myself and explaining how gracefully i carry myself. "besides, i really haven't even had that much of my drink, so everyone needs to relax." i excused myself to use the restroom (which was really quite pleasant by the way. the lighting was nice and it made me look better than i do in real life). i took my time, spiffed-up a bit, laughed at the thought of falling down the stairs after half a drink. i even ascended a bit more slowly - regally, even - to prove my point. i imagined the woman passing by with her two children pulling them aside and saying "see how that young lady steps? like a queen."

and then

I FELL
UP
THE
STAIRS.

not down.

UP.

and nick saw the whole thing.
wonderful.
story of my life.
the end.

i aint no non sequitter

2007-09-09T01:14:00.000-04:00

supposed to be sleeping because i have to get up bullshittly early for a show and i am not feeling it. sleep that is. i just can't sleep, WTF? listening to random itunes bullshit and i can't stop saying bullshit, damnit fuck.
this is my smartest post ever. i am so proud of myself it hurts.
i just spoke to J and Q. kidding. Q does not exist. i am trying to sound popular. and i'm not.
i have no friends.
kidding i hvae friends and they're great.
and i'm drunk. i mean i'm not drunk. fuck!

turkey urkey urkey oooo

2007-09-08T19:44:00.000-04:00

this is the image that comes up when you google "best sandwich ever." it's the very first one and i think it's great that subway is doing so well. i, personally, just had the best one of my life from a random deli on broadway. it was some kind of grain bread with fresh turkey, ripe avocado, marinated onions and red peppers, and mayo and it was divine. really the best. the night is young and i am satisfied.

as promised, below are pictures from the spring/summer '08 thom browne show. i don't even know what to say, but i think tim blanks' review on menstyle.com pretty much sums it up:

http://men.style.com/fashion/collections/S2008MEN/review/TBMEN

i had lunch with B and jaime today at cowgirl. it was good to see them; just like old times. jaime constantly reaching across the table to touch B's hair and B swatting him like a fly. B is wonderful and nurturing and always has a stash of pinoli cookies and cherry ripes in his freezer.

i am supposed to make the trek out to brooklyn tonight for peter's party and while i really want to see him and give him the snoopy sno-cone maker (we are going to make scotch sno-cones), i am exhausted and have such an early day/late night tomorrow. not to mention levi's. but i hate disappointing people, especially peter. he's always so generous.

we'll see.

oh say. can you see?

2007-09-06T22:55:00.001-04:00

today was not as exhausting as yesterday in terms of the workload, although my evening activities from last night caught up with me by midday. it looks like a kid took a charcoal crayon and drew half-moons under my eyes. the thom browne show was fascinating as always. ((see fig. 1 from last year)). i will post pix tomorrow. the good ones. the ones with rosette-adorned suits and streamer-coated coattails. you know it's over the top when anna wintour is cracking up in the front row.

i have absolutely no sweets in the house, and by house i mean apartment, and by apartment, i mean room, and it is really a shame. i just took a swig of Log Cabin maple syrup, and if you don't believe me, ask peter. he heard the whole thing and he was just as disgusted as you are.

i wrote this last night but i am just posting it now.

2007-09-06T00:06:00.001-04:00

luciano pavarotti died.

we were talking about him today in the car -- about how he was sick. and now he has passed away and it is extremely sad.

it makes everything else seem shallow and stupid.

for example, calvin klein's 25th anniversary party for their underwear collection tonight.

basically this meant prepubescent boys and girls in glass cages wearing metal underwear and my (over)consumption of sliders and cupcakes and champagne as in the kind of pain i will be feeling in my head when i wake up for work tomorrow morning.

ugh.

i already feel sick and it's barely the next day.

please let there be cabs tomorrow. at the very least, let us have a fucking car. thank you amen goodnight.

breaking news

2007-09-05T00:48:00.000-04:00

i can't even handle this picture of my cousin ella. i just want to squeeeeeeeeeeeze her!!!! this is the dinosaur i mentioned in yesterdays' post. the more i look at it, the larger and scarier it gets.

arf.

i'm fucking tired and the day starts extra early tomorrow.

wendell and i were talking about how it's way too early for fashion week. i know they had to move it up because of the jewish holidays, but i wouldn't have minded if it was during rosh hashannah (i don't even know how to spell my own holiday). they could had served apples and honey at the michael kors show, and i think it would've been cute. althouth the models may have gained .00003 lbs. of weight if they had eaten all of that sugar, so i guess this is in fact a horrible idea. we had a drink in-between shows tonight and talked about work and how grateful we are to have each other. it really is a gift to work with people you genuinely like and consider friends outside of work. i've come a long way since the abuse at 260 and 261 madison ave. and i know a few people who will second, third, and fourth that. i can keep counting.

but i won't.

so this is really cool. there was this study today confirming that men do, in fact, want hot women. it basically says that when choosing a mate, men are attracted to more attractive people, and that if there are two women and one is prettier and one is uglier, they will -- more often than not -- choose the more attractive one over the not as attractive one.

you can check that out here:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/09/04/dating.mating.ap/index.html

i had no idea. i personally belive that it goes to show that you do need to watch or read the news every day, such as. especially if you want to end up as smart as miss south carolina, and the people of the south africas and the iraq, you need to do so.

unrelated news

2007-09-03T18:53:00.000-04:00

i was born on a sunny sunday in 1988 minus 10, and today was no exception.
many exciting things happened in the news, according to CNN:
*a 105-lb. woman ate 173 wings in buffalo new york.
*brad pitt and angelina jolie are ready for their fifth child.
*an escaped alligator scared a neighbor.

we just said goodbye to the last of the guests. it was perfect -- 29 people showed up for my 29th birthday:
mom dad julie grandma midge barbara elise ivan amy edie lulu kate dan maddy angelina nonno joanne peter ben erin ella
luke aunt diane uncle ronnie andy jordan jenny dave donna xavier.

the highlight of the party was grandma midge threatening two three-year-old children. "if you even make it to four."

wow.

speaking of the children, apparently i am not hip. they tried to give me a gift. it was red construction paper cut up into little pieces inside of a legal-size envelope. i picked out a red circle: "wow, is this one a piece of cake?" they just stared at me and shook their heads. i held out a long thin one: "is this a little girl?" silence, followed by edie, the biggest girl in the group: "no nina. NO. it's just paper." "really?" i couldn't let it go. surely there was more to this exciting presentation than just just paper for the sake of being paper. i held up a small rectangle: "isn't this one a doll?" "NO!" said maddy. it's just paper nina!" she's three years old. then ella handed me a plush dinosaur with blue leather horns(?). "wow, it's a big scary dinosaur!" "no nina. NO. it's a small dinosaur. and he's not scary at all."

what happened to having an imagination? do they still eat glue and pretend it's marshmallow fluff? do they still make rocks into pets? oh wait, i still do that. but you know what i mean.

gotta go catch the train.

fashion week starts tomorrow and i have to air out my mink(s).

my birdy

2007-09-03T01:59:00.000-04:00

i googled "gluten free birthday cake" and this was the first image that popped up.

rats.

the party was wonderful. D's house with bruno is big and beautiful. i still can't get over it. they live on a tree-lined road in a four-bedroom house with a backyard, light fixtures, formal dining room, and everything. and they are going to install crown molding. at one point, we flipped through a book of coupons. what's cool is that choice brands, like oil of olay body wash, go on sale. this was great to know and i almost tore it out. i think i am going to start clipping coupons. i could also use a new set of candles and maybe a calico cat.

the following people were at the party:

erik and chrissy
dawn and bobby
benny and katie
jen and corey
brian
bruno
jeremy and georgie
kennelly and his gf'r

and a few others. it was nice to see everybody. we ate a lot, but i mostly ate tiramisu and apple pie and chocolate chip cookie pie. sweets are all i am really in the mood for. i think i am quite literally sugarcoating, and this is not healthy. i am going to die.

so i'm 29. it is my 30th year. everybody sang Happy Birthday to me, and i realized that this is truly a retarded song. it would have been much more appropriate if everyone broke out into "Enter Sandman" while i chugged a labatt blue and crushed the can over my head like old times.

home alone

2007-09-02T18:10:00.000-04:00

just got up to my parents' house. it feels like someone poured aosept into my eyes.
it was a strange homecoming. the train ride up was lonely and being in this house by myself is sort of depressing. this used to be my childhood home, but we came up here so much over the summer together that it became a kind of destination for us. isn't that fucked up? we would sit out on the front porch, drinking scotch, and listening to the rain. we talked about the stars and the trees and the sounds of the country. we shot baskets, went hiking, went to the market. it was very much a suburban weekend life that we had going on, and now it's over. that's okay, it's just that this house was always my personal escape, and then it became OUR personal escape. it's funny how that happened, seemingly overnight. the thing is, he is sitting at home right now doing his work and not thinking about me or about us at all. he is able to compartmentalize. the high school looks so different, by the way. jock hall es no mas. i texted jamie and told him. he is in the middle of a desert in arizona. i should really get going. have a drink with the kids. i am writing too much. it is pouring out of me and i need to bring it in. i need to socialize and move on.

sweet idiots

2007-09-02T13:12:00.000-04:00

just spoke to D. she basically told me to get my ass up to westchester to "hang out with the idiots i went to high school with." (see above shot of us from four years ago at the boat basin). it made me feel good. i think i will go because maybe we will do fun high school activities: mailbox bashing, driving too fast down dead-end streets, hanging out at the "power lines," buying candy and gatorade at exxon, and stealing street signs. aren't you jealous? i had what you would call an all-american high school experience: great friends, basketball, field hockey, soccer -- friday night lights shit, and i was in love with my high school boyfriend. it's funny when i think back to that relationship and realize that it was probably better than 86% of my relationships since. we loved each other unconditionally. when i was sick, he was sick. when i had a rash all over my body from a fever, he sat on the other end of the couch and scratched my legs. if that's not love, then i don't know what is. i'm not sure where i went wrong with my most recent relationship, but i definitely need to find people who know how to love and who have no hang-ups. i miss being sixteen. no i don't. that's actually the dumbest and most false thing i've said in at least 17 days.

i have no food in my pantry. i had a shake with blueberries and strawberries for breakfast, but i got hungry again so i had two pieces of bread with mustard. i have no cheese. i have no deli meat. i am basically a loser who needs to go shopping. i'm actually pretty impressed that i even have bread. i am starving.

some people copy sub-par women's magazines on their blogs, and that is not what i am going to do here. i have not yet decided what i'm going to do yet that sets me apart, but it will be fantastic. just wait. i just had a glass of scotch. what a joke. i am entering my 30th year tomorrow and i have to start off on a good note. i have exactly one year. i don't know what that means, but i have one year. L told me that i seem like a very patient person. this made me laugh, but perhaps over time, i have improved.

i am looking forward to eating some hella hot BBQ today.
god bless.

ditch plains

2007-09-02T02:13:00.000-04:00

this is what fun looks like. jessie took this picture last fall in ithaca during apple harvest, but it pretty much sums up my evening.
only fitting that we went to a place called ditch plains. i had black bass and three maker's. i am feeling hopeful. i went to brunch this morning, followed by central park with a new friend. we sat on a rock and played the cube game. do you know what the cube game is? it doesn't matter, but basically it involves flowers, a horse, a ladder, and the weather. pretty psychological shit.

http://personal.ansir.com/cubegame.htm

anyway, i was excited because the game emphasized how much i love my friends. it also said that i have no ambition. my ladder was only a step-stool and it was made out of wood. apparently that is not a good thing. also, it was raining outside steadily. this means that it is raining outside of my window.

ha.

peanut butter eminems are great.