good evening, i have rhinovirus. do you know what that means? it means your nose runs fast like a rhinoceros and you use tree bark with aloe to stop it.
some people refer to this as a "common cold."
there are 345,945* tips on how to treat a "common cold."
some advice is particularly helpful, especially the kind that comes from doctor's.
they like to say "the best way to treat it is to prevent it" when they are getting smart with us.
i know i will remember that the next time a 465 MPH* gust of mucous blows over.
someone else said to run a steamy shower while sitting on a nearby chair taking a sponge bath.
i don't know about you, but sitting on a cold toilet bowl sponging myself down while water runs "nearby" is something i regularly like to do.
the truth is, i know who made me get rhinovirus. it was the fancy fashion woman who sat next to me in a car last week.
my boss said "oh are you sick?"
and she said "yes."
and he said "well then why are you riding with us?"
and she said "because you said you'd give me a lift."
and he said "not if i thought you were sick."
and she said "well if i get you sick then you know who to blame."
so i am blaming you, fancy fashion woman. i am blaming you, your germs, your $658* haircut, and your $14,456* wardrobe, all of which put me in a bad mood, thereby weakening my immune system and causing me to get sick. you stink, and i will trample you with my rhinoceros the next time i see you so you better re-stock your tree bark.
*i may or may not have made up these numbers.
1 comment:
The previous post (10.19) made me so sad, I couldn't comment.
In other news, I suffer from chronic rhinovirus. I'm not kidding. The good news is that I rarely get sick anymore because I prevent it with Nasonex. It's a miracle.
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