a fun thing i like to do

i am a hair-twirler. always have been, thanks to my nervous energy and easily-accessible hair. twirling calms my nerves. it feels good. the only people who have ever really acknowledged it are my boyfriend who finds it endearing and my grandma who despised it. i briefly lived with her in nyc for a few months after college. i would come home from work, change into sweats, and head down to her room where she was sitting on the warm beige herringbone couch with her crossword and magnifying glass and a news program turned all the way up. she had dark curly hair like mine, but hers was short and she would look at me with disdain through her red-rimmed reading glasses.

"why does it bother you so much?"
"do you think hilary clinton twirls her hair?" she would say shaking her head, wincing.
"what does this have to do with hilary clinton?"
"refined ladies do not play with their hair."
"you don't understand, grandma. hilary clinton totally twirls her hair off camera."

it was a constant battle and i would generally stop touching my hair long enough to tell her about my adventures at the teeny bopper magazine and swear up and down that Yes, grandma, Yes, i ate enough for dinner and No i would not like blueberries and cottage cheese, but thank you.

i have a fascinating relationship with my hair. i guess you could say it's my signature and yet i often want to just cut it all off and start fresh. i don't, however, have a craving for it like THIS WOMAN. just like it takes all kinds, apparently there are all kinds of hair relationships, and some involve dinner. it's really hard to say why she did it, although i can only imagine that it tasted like chocolate or she saw it on an episode of Dallas. who knows. i can only tell you that if you want to lose 10 lbs really fast and make headline news and force people who were enjoying a bowl of edy's slow-churned french silk ice cream to lose their appetite, then definitely start twirling and swallowing real fast. you will deliver a beautiful hairball this time next year and you will look FANTASTIC in your party dress.


**this entry is dedicated to my dear friend jessie who has enviably long, nice-smelling hair that is neither twirled nor eaten. happy birthday.**