skin, pine, and pitt

so today i am going to talk about facials.
do you ever get facials?
do you think they're an imperative part of your regime and if so, do you think your face will curl up like a sunbaked orange peel if you don't?
i have two theories on facials.
one part of me is like anyone who rubs four different kinds of fancy lotions on their face for a whole hour in a counter-and-counter-clockwise movement will leave the bathroom feeling like WOW my skin is softer than it was an hour ago!
the other part of me believes something totally different, but only when i am given a gift certificate to a spa. suddently i'm like WTF was i thinking? these are totally CRITICAL! especially when i am lying there in the dark and they turn the fluorescent light on your face and run their index finger judgingly over your pores and you think about all the times you got crispy in puerto rico.

anyway, i woke up stupid late for my appointment at great jones spa. it was a gift certificate, as discussed. i need to talk about great jones spa. as you can imagine they are on great jones street, but also, they are great! they are very accomodating because i was 15 minutes late and they didn't glare or throw an organic cleanser in my face! and i didn't even have to make up an excuse. the spa smells like a swimming pool beause maybe there is a swimming pool on the premises unless there is a soy candle on the market called "chlorine." the flip flops were soft, unlike the ones at cornelia, and made my feet look nicer cause they covered up my ugly toes. they only use naturopathica and jurlique products and jurlique makes my favorite lotions in the world, so that was an added bonus. the only bad part was when she put cookie batter on my face - oatmeal raisin to be precise - and that's not cool. she said it was "pumpkin lotion" and she looked at me and i looked at her and we had a moment. people should get their xmas cookies done at home, not on the job. one highlight was when she put this mask on my face and then massaged my hands with a warm lotion and put them into these plastic gloves and covered the gloves with a hot terry glove. at the end, she told me i have combination skin which i gather is very rare, and that i'd be MUCH better off with the entire line of products she used. i was so sure.

it really was a nice experience though, and my skin looks clear like it would look if you washed your face five times in one day and smeared vaseline on it and of course i am convinced i need to go back every two weeks, so i'll be needing a lot of gift certificates. you can just make them out to my name and send them to me in the post. that would be great, thank you.

since i'm on vacation, i did a bunch of other things that are not very thrilling to report, although i will tell you i was probably the most christian jew on the block today because i bought a 3-footish christmas tree and carried it four blocks and when i got to the apartment, my fingers were sticky. i imagine lovers of christ know how to get sap off their hands, and also not to buy net lights because that is borderline reta$@#%ed. why did i buy net lights and why do they sell net lights anyway? on the package, it shows a woman throwing them on a bed of pine. we're in manhattan, who has a bed of balsam? and if you do, please call me immediately so i can come hang out in your huge plot of land. i will bring you my LOVE TRAIN.

finally, at the gym today, there were four or nine people, ranging from a brooding NYU kid in a tragic fluorescent American Apparel ensemble, to an ancient bespectacled man whose t-shirt was tucked into his sweatpants, and amazingly we were all watching the same program (because yes, i stalk people to see what they're watching and then i judge them based on those decisions). it was brad pitt on PBS. what does that say about the power of brad pitt? or the unfortunate reality that is daytime television?

who cares.

good night and good luck.