when i go to the Lady Doctor (LD) i am immediately uncomfortable because 97% of my reading options feature a drooling child dressed as a felt pumpkin with questionably long eyelashes who may or may not be wearing mascara and a woman who is about 15 pounds lighter than i was at 16 in her 40th week of pregnancy.
first i think - her belly is totes fake - but then i think - no it's not, but her teeth are. don't even get me started on the child wearing makeup. you don't want to go there with me.
most of us have three options for reading material at the LD. well, four.
the first is motor trend, which is always lying in-between the pretty babies on a crumby table. if i felt i would be driving anything other than the backseat of a cab for the next 10 years i would maybe be interested in this publication but i'm not.
the second option is business week. does anyone read this? i'm sure they do. in fact, i am willing to gamble that a lot of people read it, because how else would we know that toys are being recalled and gas prices are high? this is the only place to find out these kinds of things and for that, we should all be grateful.
we all know the third option. if we read the baby and the parent magazines, it looks like we're having the baby or that we HAVE the baby and we, well, i, am not having a baby and i don't have one TO MY KNOWLEDGE.
finally, the fourth is the STD pamphlets and we all know what it looks like if we're engrossed in those, yes?
so basically to sum it up, bring your own entertainment to the LD unless you A) don't drive a cab from the backseat, B) put makeup on your child, C) buy toys in china, D) have syphillis.
that's all.
2 comments:
We should syndicate your life and put it on primetime television -- perhaps 8pm on Tuesday evenings.
Did I ever tell you that at my MD (man doctor), they have copies of You-know-what-ophile in the waiting room and in all of the examination rooms? I'm a living legend at my MD.
The down side is that I have to talk about multiroom WiFi connections in between gropes and coughs.
you're sneaky and smart. i sent my doc some copies of Esq-you-know-what but they never materialized in the waiting room which leads me to believe that they ended up being wallpapered to his guest bathroom or thrown in the dumpster behind W. 58th St. along with a bucket of moo shoo roaches.
but i guess we'll never know, will we. only the cover babies know what happened and they can't talk because their mouths are sealed with lipstick.
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