julie and i had a fight today in her childhood bedroom. there was pushing involved. the word "hate" was used. several times. we were five and eight-and-two-thirds all over again. but we're not kids anymore. we're 29 and 32-and-two-thirds, and this is not how big girls behave. i was ashamed. she went for a long walk. i sort of watched pans labyrinth.
the last time we got into a (big) fight was in a wendy's somewhere in upstate new york about 10 years ago. it was over chocolate pudding. we pinched each other. tears were shed. my mother turned around and gave the man with a three-year-old a knowing look.
this afternoon, after the fight, but before the company arrived for the party, i went downstairs to the kitchen. between sips of scotch and handfuls of spicy thai nut mix, my mother and i talked about sister stuff. "i remember the exact moment aunt lois and i decided to stop fighting. i was 30. i was pregnant with you and we just drew a line in the sand." i imagined them sitting on a beach with a piece of driftwood, but i don't think she was being that literal.
julie and i got ready for the party in the same room. we complimented each others' outfits. we worked on my mothers' birthday card. we presented her with the gift. we had a drink. we ate chinese food. we took a photograph on the steps. we never resolved anything.
everything is going to be okay.
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